Life's changing moments

Life changing events often cause a ripple of events that affect us for the rest of our lives. Whether it be through birth, death, accident, or what ever it reaches to those who are near, far and unknown. Life happens, even if it's in that flash of a last second before one is caught up in a cataclysmic moment. Sometimes it takes years to come out of the darkness, but when one can open their eyes and smile from their soul the world is beauty; in the kindness of a strangers words, the embrace of a loved one, the voice of your best friend, even in the ache of a sore muscle. One feels the connection in their soul to life in its purest form.
Taking Mike's hand as he helped me from the mangled formation that was formerly a vehicle, became a nexus . When we stepped away still holding onto each other it became a transformed world for us. Calamitous at first, until we saw and felt more stirrings of life. There are those that are less fortunate for them I grieve and hope they find their way through the darkness to smile yet again as they turn their face to the sun.

NOT on my list of things to do....

Life is great, and I am so thankful Mike and I are alive. Yesterday, 3/16/08 around 1230pm there was a MASSIVE pileup on interstate 40 in Flagstaff and we were in the middle of it. Borrowed a friends Geo and went to Flag to do some shopping. On the way back Mike was driving 30mph, because of white out conditions and ice on the road. It took us 1/2 mile to come to a stop, but we did and thought whew were safe, until he heard the honking of a semi out of control 1/2 mile behind us. Mike got us rolling forward (law of physics), and we were slammed by the jackknifing trailer, pushed like a pinball between a panel truck, another semi and a couple of suvs. As soon as the trailer hit us our seats flipped back and with the impact on myside, the glass from my door flew in, and part of the windshield. I think it was the seats releasing themselves that saved us. Once we came to a stop, (it spinned us completely around) Mike had me wait a moment - incase there was going to be more coming at us, and we then quickly exited the car through the drivers side as our full gas tank was now empty on the road. His door was working, mine was crushed in. I have superficial lacerations on my face (really light ones), my neck, right thigh, and back is achy from tense muscles, Mike's the same way without the cuts, but we WALKED away from it. We walked around for 3 hours calling people and insurance companies, while the rescue teams took care of triage, then asked about getting checked out and had to walk down hill about a half a mile, cross over to the East bound lane (which had the same problem - 70 cars on West bound where we were, 50 on East bound), then we climbed into an ambulance and was taken to a sub clinic of the local hospital. They were innundated, but did a fantastic job. Once we got released we got a got a taxi, hotel room, took a shower and ate dinner and relaxed as much as we could. The interstate finally opened at 430 this morning so we called Flagstaff Express and got home. Everyone has been really nice, from us being out of work to the guy who's car we borrowed. I got email addresses from several people who took pictures of our car, and once they found out which car we were in most shook our hands and said 'happy your alive', So are we.

Canyon time...

A step out of 'reality'. I've met a lot of people and know them by name; it's important, we all like to hear our names being called out in recognition, and all refer to living outside of the canyon as 'being in the outside world.' After all where else does one's electric bill reflect the most on the first bill (under $50) and the subsequent bills be half that! It certainly doesn't happen in 'the outside world'. There's also a store where eggs are not $3.69 a dozen, movie theatres to go to, different dining options that offer 'real' food. Not to mention the most important part, those who's lives are connected to yours, but teaching beauty and truth to the following generations with love and integrity. I admire them and miss them.
We're getting a host of international people in. Mostly young people in their early 20's. Met a few of them on the shuttle a couple of days ago. Beautiful, sweet and full of life. Yesterday at lunch I was listening to conversations all around me, in various different languages. As I looked I saw out of the corner of my eye the shadow of the faces of our girls. Like the dancing butterfly and dragonfly the image flittered beyond. I smiled sadly as my heart ached a bit and listened a little more. Out side perched in a tree was a child raven. It looked more like the crows I've seen in Florida, but it was exercising it's vocal cords beautifully. I laughed outloud when it sounded like a dolphin playing, excited at the connecting sounds of spirit.
Was it just escapism coming here? I imagine and wonder how my sister-friends would flourish were they in the same shoes, knowing their strengths and stamina how deeply rich they would set out to adventure.
No feathers found, but the wind in the trees embrace the chill as winter grasps with apprehension to release the world to spring.

Mundane

Time and people are restless. A break from the mundane is building. When we all capitulate events will then eruct as volcanos creating new land mass to build on. Maybe it's the changes in the weather that stir our pots of energies; as our minds feed on the many seeds of inspiration daring us to nurture one or more to create those changes we ache for in our lives. As adults we've learned, sometimes the hard way, that our actions create ripples of effects well into our futures...and past. How we react, employ, or utilize the changes is the basis of the change and constitues the memories in the journey we face and how we perceive them from the past.

I know for myself the same seed gets planted every year and like a very slow growing tree the roots grow a little deeper and the leaves stretch towards the sun opening every pore to abosorb the nurturing energy. It is of course art. It is when the 'mundane' of physical survival questions the nature that the nature quietly moves to the sidelines and interjects at auspicious moments. For others it is something else entirely. But deep inside we have those desires, wishes, dreams or any other euphamism you use; waiting patiently for those moments to stretch each pore in the sun absorbing the nurturing energy to flower.

Traffic Jams

I was taking a break yesterday, enjoying the sun when I looked down the road and saw a line of cars with break lights on. Here in the canyon we have different terms for traffic jams. Elk jams. Squirrel jams. Deer jams. Toe jams. What it all constitutes is still yet another line to wait in while someone takes a picture. (Of toes? Well I suppose some people can't help but get their feet in the picture.)
Since they're 'jams' how about we just call them a party? Picture the elk band with sunglasses playing instruments...Is this what happens in space as the flying spacecraft slowly drifts by as they ooo and ahhh out their viewing portals watching 'primitive beings' in their natural habitat?
Another part of the snowglobe effect.

Counting...rocks

This week is the week of inventory. Counting each and every little item that is sold in all of the retail shops here in the Canyon. No we don't count the little rocks, just the big ones. lol. As my boss pointed out it's a good way to see what you may want to get in July when we have our 'Christmas in July' special discount for employees. Frankly what I'd like to see is my artwork in the stores. Research ongoing, so who knows.

Most of the snow is gone, what remains are little bits here and there and the tourist are coming in. It's a bit of a relief after a slow season; though I know soon I won't even want to venture near the rim as it will be too crowded.

The artwork is still hung at the rec center for the community art show we had a couple of weeks ago. A few people sold their items. I received a lot of comments on mine but does it count when it doesn't sell? Counting, seems to be the theme of the week; so count your blessings and revel in the joy they give.

Spring

A taste of Spring as it reaches to 67 degrees today. I know those in Florida would be putting jackets on. This morning when I walked out my door it was in the 20's. I wore my jean jacket and gloves, it felt good. Saw a herd of deer as I walked to Mike's work to meet him for breakfast. More then 10 does and 2 bucks. More of a harem if you ask me, but they were pretty just the same. If we get up early enough (we usually do) we might see other types - hopefully big horn sheep by the El Tovar. To be continued...

Even more winter

Yes, more winter. Friday we had more snow, even lightning and thunder. What a wild combination. I am really looking forward to spring, but in the meantime (that wonderful word)...Mike and I went out for a walk on Saturday. The sun came out and it starting melting quickly. It was funny, almost like Nature was having a snowball fight, just daring us to stand under a tree to plop a load of snow on our heads. Susan came close as we ran into her after our photo outing.

Some of the trees looked cartoonish like the one on the left. Reminded me of Dr. Seuss.

We started out on the road near out house, walked to the rec center; despite how snowy it is it wasn't that cold. I didn't realize until we were leaving the rec center I had it on black and white, but that's okay. They came out pretty good. I've taken some pretty good pictures if I do say so myself, getting better. I find if I zoom it in 3 or 4 to 1 and I can see the details it's a good picture.

Going through these Mike commented on how some of them would make an interesting puzzle. Hmm, life is like that; sometimes a big confusing puzzle until you see the big beautiful picture.


Can you see the blue sky in one of these? It's like Waldo, some where in there. This is a good time to review the textures in the trunks, observe te differences between the juniper and pines. They both smell devine in a fireplace however I've observed when Juniper wood is burned peoples allergies are kicked into high gear.(including mine) My theory is the pollen is still whole and 'ingrained' in the wood, when it is burned it is released into the area.

Despite all the winter, I still feel the stirring of spring. Starting to see different birds come up from the warmth of the canyon; there was even a Javalina running down the road by the Bright Angel last week. That's a rare sight up here on the rim. Those behind the desk didn't realize it, even when they got comment cards regarding the pig outside their room. Some thought it was metaphorical. Well at least the pig wasn't in the room, or in some cases was; but symbols come in many forms...

Most of this melted off the trees by Sunday evening, natures way of showing how quickly change can occur whether we notice or not.

Bucket List

I just noticed as I looked at the movie section of my Yahoo, (teasing myself really), the title of the movie caught my attention. Then the actors, very strong and exceptional in performances, then I read what it's about. I won't go into what it's about but the message.
I remember a time when I moved to be close to my children, with the help of my best sister-friend. a free airline ticket I won from work and a couple of suit cases (not even a job) I moved. Without the connection of those that helped, yes even my 1st ex and his wife, it would not have been possible. The connections with others are an exceptionally important part.
I got my own place and a job. I remember vividly talking to MJ one night as I sat on the floor in my very empty apartment, books scattered as I used the library often and she had told me it was the perfect time to make 'a list'. With all the emptiness was room for opportunity, and believe me there was a lot of room. Without reasoning for costs, affordability I wrote. How I wanted to furnish my apartment, things I wanted not just needed, including vacations like going to London and on a cruise.
Time went by, a year actually, when I was cleaning my apartment and came accross that list and laughed a little teary eyed as I saw I had everything and done everything I wanted. Having such a clean slate did prove there was room for opportunity. That was where I think I started 'living'. Not every step was happy go lucky, my friends and family can attest to that. The death of my child was and still is the darkest time that changed the sense of 'living' even further; sometimes challenging.
Through the agony of that dark time, it has created beauty. Appreciation of life, the short time we have. It is in our hands to do with what we want, be where we want and experience what we want. It's the memories we carry forth with us after all the material things we've gathered are gone that define the truth in us.
Tonight, someone or thing is shaking the snowglobe again covering the anticipated lunar eclipse. It's creating a world of white quiet wonder again. Despite being a little disappointed, I am comforted by the beauty in the blanket of white covering the outside world. Like money (the lack or abundance of)or the brief, and sometimes downright depressions; these will pass. 'This too shall pass' has been an affirmation I've said to myself ALOT...and it does, as the sun shines again so do the flowers bloom and so on.
So I chase after the rainbows, and absorb the memories the journey takes creating my 'list' as I go along. Right now it just happens to be in the Grand Canyon. One of the 7 wonders of the world, and it certainly is a wonder in all different lights. To paraphrase a well known commercial..."what's on your list?"

Elephants

Mike is often reminding me that to eat an elephant one takes one small bite at a time. Then he takes me in his arms as I decompress from work.
I'll be in my new job 7 weeks this week. I have moments of 'eurika' soon to be followed by 'am I over my head?' as yet another challenge comes to my face or I missed something. Accounting is not the place to miss anything.
Maybe I'm being too hard on myself, and I know there is 'growing pains' involved, but I do have doubts. (It's te 'growing pains' that feel like one is morphing into an unknown being that can be painful). Wondering.
I knew going in it would be a challenge; looking at contributing factors as lessons to assist in what I do 'outside' as a way to formulate structure. This is just the beginning as I start my list of applying these fundamentals to my 'art'. Dailies, weeklys, monthly's. Impatience knaws at me as I want to be done with 'lessons' (though we're never really done with those are we?), create the outline and move onward.

The world according to...

The headline news. At times it feels so remote we can look at it, shake our head and go tsk, tsk. Then go about our daily business and wonder how our lives can change. It is when something happens to someone we know or care about that shakes our reverie and seems to open the 'door' per se to include us in the 'world'.
No nothing has happened, as far as I know, to anyone I know or love. I had a call over the weekend from my friends celebrating two of their birthdays. Listening to their banter I was there with them in a sense thousands of miles away. It momentarily opened my 'door' to the world bringing a nostelgic feeling of our 'get away' weekends.
I'm starting to miss the 'outside' world in varying degrees. Don't get me wrong, I still love the Canyon and am thankful for the many blessings it's presence has bestowed to me. I've read further down in altitude the flowers are blooming in abundance. I look forward to that here. Maybe it's 'cabin fever', it just feels like something more.
Yesterday as I was walking from my work to Mike's work I was 'challenged' on the footpath by a small buck. We both stopped and eyed each other closely, his muscles tense as there was a group of does and a few other bucks nearby pausing to wait his decision. I smiled and said 'I seem to be on your footpath.'. Turned to walk down a small hill to give him room and avoided looking at his eyes to 'challenge' him, and stopped when I was a small distance to see their progress. It was then I noticed some tourist making their way to them the flashes on their point and shoots going off. I yelled "Please do not approach the animals." and sighed in relief when they walked the other way. It becomes frustrating watching the actions of others sometimes. Maybe a lot of people don't realize this is not a zoo, or Disney and have taken for granted the 'safety' those places and the towns and cities we live in provide. It's only going to get a lot worse as we get more people visiting. Once we're in full swing with tourist I'm sure I'll look back on this 'quiet' time with nostelgia.
It is usually during a 'quiet' time when we delve inside to take a mental stock and take into considerations our actions, reactions, and setting up new footpaths to follow. It is here where change in us occurs that affect our lives later. Action begins with a thought, so maybe it's time to start my list.

Who shook the snow globe?

Yesterday was a silvery day. The world, at least my world, was frosted with a sugar coating of white. The sun and sky, buffered by the weather, colored this world in a silvery grey. Though we 'know' the sun to be yellow, the color was absorbed to reflect a different light.

It snowed on and off in the early afternoon I commented to a co-worker about how pretty it was. "It's like living in a snow globe" was her reply. When the flakes grew fatter I asked her "Who shook the snow globe?" "I don't know," she replied, "but I'd sure like to slug em." I could only laugh as I imagined what we look like in our 'snowglobe'; and wonder at the multi dimensions of existance as though I gazed through MC Escher's eyes...

Ahhh..

The middle of another work week and it feels good to be home. The wind is really whipping today it blows in another front with great possibilities of snow. Remember I've stopped predicting this mico weather? But it soon shall pass after another dress up of the canyon and get near 60 for the weekend. Most of the foot paths have melted and I'm surprised at how little mud there is. I hope it helps the water tables.

Susan's home work place, Yavapai, will open soon. The restaurant manager is sick of hearing about 'the chicken'. If you get there early enough it's decent. But...it's a different fare of food then what is available at the other cafeteria choices (employee cafeteria and Maswik). I must be getting acclimatized as a few (very few) items are palatable. Scary. After about a year, Wendy's will be like a gormet meal. haha.

Tomorrow is Valentine's day. Last year I was growling about brides and their problems. This year I celebrate with my own valentine, Mike. Nothing really planned beside curling up next to each other and watching the snow. But it's the journey that creates the memories. Considering it's that time of the week, for accounting anyways, I may be home late yet again; but then maybe not. We'll see, as long as everything balances. (IT WILL). Went to the camera club last night. I only took about 7 pictures and got a nice compliment on my b/w; 'looks like Ansel Adams'. The tree that I purposely created patterns with the lights went over big. This last weekend it was beautiful out. We went to the Kolb studio for a tour and were lucky enough to get Stew Fritz. He's an older ranger, but played the part of one of the Kolb brothers very well. It would be nice to see the History Channel do a re-inactment, with him as the narrator. I've seen him perform the raven ranger talk, now Mike and I can't wait to catch his 'rim to rim with William Shakespear'. I'm sure that will be worthy of a blog all its own.

The days may pass, but I attempt to notice the blessings: a small bird pecking for food close to my feet, the smell of the pines in the breeze. Then of course there are the big blessings as the canyon dresses for display, or the vibrant oranges in the sunset setting a fire in the sky. It is amazing. Soon it's time to start down, into the canyon. One step at a time; to notice the many blessings it gives freely.

Icicles

One of the finest forms of chaos theory in its natural state.

Though it looks like the sun is rising behind it, it's not, this is facing West. It was taken early in the am, and the orange light reflecting off of the ice is from the light outside the building. The light in the back ground is the reflection of the sunrise into the West.

I yam, what I yam...

I yam tired! It's only Tuesday and I got more ot tonight finishing up and striving to keep on schedule. I'm learning, things are making sense, some still make me pause but it's all a learning process.


We had A LOT more snow over the weekend. It was beautiful walking from work last night in the snow, there was no wind. I called a yaya friend and she told me it was 80 degrees in Florida yesterday. It was nice to see the sun this morning, the snow is still deep and icicles flowing nearly touching the top of the snow on the ground. It's beautiful seeing such pristine white cover the ground, occasionally interrupted by animal tracks. There's a little bunny that hops around our window in the wee hours. The tracks were prominant this morning, caught a look at it the other day. It's so cute.

I am looking forward to spring. With all this snow, it should help the water tables and create an abundant spring. It'll be interesting to see what differences there are in the flowers and such. Not to mention getting home and it still be daylight, even if I do work overtime.

I am...

I am
The winter
The snow that glitters
The breath of frosty air
The quiet shooshing as the world is tucked in

I am
The fall
The brilliance of color in riotous abandonment
The crispness in the air
The gentle sleepy beauty as the world starts to slumber

I am
The summer
The heat of the sun absorbing into each pore
The laughter of children playing in the rain
The heartbeat eard in the crickets lullabye

I am
The spring
The scent of earth enhancing presence
The colors of varigations drawing out the senses
The world waking up in wonder and beauty.

I am

Happy February

A few days in. Yesterday Mike, Glen and I went to Flagstaff to do some much needed grocery shopping. It was flurrying when we left the canyon. I was a bit sad as I realized I really miss living in a town. The small things we take for granted; running to the store to pick up one item, going to the movies, being able to go to the post office and send off packages after hours. It was when we were having lunch at Cracker Barrell I really missed MJ and Terry. I wanted to call them, meet them and go see a movie; or just be in their presence. We stopped in Williams on our way back - the grocery store has good prices on meat and some other items, and it started flurrying on our way back to the canyon. It's an hour and a half to Flagstaff, so when one goes the value of one's time is important; it becomes a full 8-10 hour day to get in the shopping one wants or needs, and it's easy to be exhausted when you get home. I would like to get to know the town more intimately, as it's a cute little town. Reminds me a lot of St. Augustine but Western style. I love the Canyon, it's presence is a sanctuary, but there is so much more here I'm itching to discover. This made me think of Florida and some of the great places we've all seen, and those not seen I still see the painting in my mind as MJ, Terry and I kayaked in Guano State Park. Flashes of images, mostly of friends kept going through my mind yesterday as I pictured them here. Terry of course would be cold and certainly wouldn't like the snow for too long, but MJ would love it. I would love to see this part of my world through their eyes.
I didn't take my camera with me; it was nice to just notice a few things and be part of it; the way snow clouds covered part of a mountain leaving the top exposed, the crevices or even smoothness of rocks. No matter where I go there is beauty. Recognized or not, it is there. Quiet in the soft voice of spirit, it is when we notice it becomes part of us.
Once at home it felt good to re-organize our little kitchen more, washing the new dishes, and silverware, setting up the garbage can and getting rid of the cardboard box we used for trash. It's been frustrating at times but it's a slow process of appreciation. Living in this little village has been a step back in time with the VERY limited services (see comments above), and no street address' only a P O Box number to retrieve one's mail. I miss having a car, if nothing else but to get out on a weekend when I'm off but I do enjoy getting out and walking if not for just leisure but necessity; to the cafe for breakfast or lunch, home or by the rim. I love seeing animal tracks in the snow, the colors in the sky, the smell of pine from the forest and hearing the breeze talk through the trees (even if it is freezing). I look forward to spring and wonder at the flowers that will bloom and look forward to discovering how they color the landscape. It's very nice being able to share these wonders with Mike as we both see, feel and sense life and it's continuing discoveries. Talking, hiking or just being we are learning about each other and our worlds and what has made us into what we are at this moment.
Slowly I'm learning to balance work, play and art. It's an evolutionary process much like nature, slow enough to be barely noticable but when it is noticed a new evolution process has already begun. The world is our oyster and we are it's pearl; made of it to be of it. Let beauty comfort you when you find it has captured your attention; even for just a moment.

Walking on ice

Well it's more like shuffling really. At least until I bought some yak traks tonight. I walked from my work to the Bright Angel to meet Mike; while I was waiting I wandered into the gift shop hoping they would have at least the crampons. Yes it sounds bad, but they work; barely. I was tickled to find the tracs and bought them. As the world outside has been blustery with '1 or more' inches of snow (it's turning out to be 'or more'; a lot more), I look forward to the beauty it will be. Now I won't fear walking the rim as much to get more fabulous pictures. I am eternally thankful for the fake rabbit fur hat I bought in London, and the suede lambswool lined coat I got in Georgia. I stay snuggly warm as the wind blows the white stuff around to decorate the landscape as the trees talk.

Bestowment from Winter

It's like a York peppermint patty commercial, except it's real. It's exhilarating, breathtaking, and emotionally overwhelming to see the canyon and the forest in frost or snow.
This is called hoar frost. What ever it is or however science wants to deliver it; it's poetry.

Each individual needle is covered in a very light sugar coating of frost. What makes the frost so obvious is the frost itself is built up like it was snowflakes partially melted onto the needles so it looks like it has 'tentacles'. It was the prettiest I think I've ever seen the trees.







Last Monday it poured about 18 inches of snow on us. It was a bugger to get to work, but the atmosphere around the work place was excitement to see how Mother Nature painted the canyon. It cleared at lunch, but I didn't dare go look or I'd be very late back; but right after work I hurried up to the canyon and was thoroughly enthralled with the magnificence it once again presented me with.

These are but a few of hundreds I have momentarily clicked with my camera. They are worth the hard encrusted ice I sometimes have to slip and slide on to get to work, or to play; not to mention the time everyone has waited to see them.

I am truely blessed to have the opportunity to be here for these moments. I've been told this only happens once every 7 years, to be honored is humbling to say the least.


In silence I wait
Ancestors hold destiny
In the breath of wind.


Namaste

one red jelly bean, two green jelly beans...

Well the 2nd full week of work has come to a completion. It's been and still is a great learning experience. I've had a few people I used to see more often come up to me and ask me where I've been. One lady thought I was away on vacation. Mike's got weekends off, he got them before me, but it's nice going up to the rim early when he goes in the wee hours to have breakfast with him. We usually meet around lunch time, sometimes we have time to share the lunch hour, sometimes just enough time to say hi; but we always meet for dinner. Tonight we had dinner with Sue, it was good to see her feeling better and back on her feet.
I still love the snow, I just dislike walking on encrusted ice; which is predominant here. I miss wearing my cowboy boots. As I get more accustomed to the new schedule, and the changes life has bestowed, I will blog more. In the meantime, be patient with me I'm in another field tending my roots to bloom where planted.