On Dating

1st dates and all that. Actually went on one (surpise, surprise), where the guy opened the door and paid for the evening. Had fun listening to 80-90 rock, the band was good. We went out with another couple, friends of his. They were nice people. Dancing and drinking.
As conversations were, I found we had almost nothing in common. At one point he told me "to keep going out [with him] I expect you to keep an open mind". In otherwords "I pay you lay". I do have to put in here I did want to pay with real money for what I drank, but he insisted. It became obvious at breakfast when he and his friends talked how they continually enjoy a constant round of weekend drinking and dancing.
I enjoy it, especially when my friends and I can actually get together and let loose, but it's not the goal of every weekend or time off. There was a time in my life where the weekends were for nothing but. That was then, this is now.
I have found with each encounter I learn something new about myself, and my own expectations keeping open room for the unknown to be a blessing. I have also found questions that can only answer themselves in time. Will I recognize and be able to have great conversations with another? What is fun?
I have recognized the searce for commonality with those I do encounter to find it lacking. Why would I continue on that line, when it's just a set up for failure? Thus no second dates. Frankly I'm glad of that. Change is necessary for 2 to fit into each other's life and lifestyles, even from the beginning, however if those changes are for the negative what can that bring besides another lesson in heart ache? Couples go through ups and downs together, it's how they are handled that make them or break them. My family of friends project those lessons beautifully. As they stay true to themselves. If I can't have that in my life with another person, then I won't. Either way it is what I make of it.

Gifts

I found a feather today, which most of you know is my kinship with Mada. I'll add it to my bowl of favorite 'gifts' in various forms from those left at my door, to those left at my feet.

I have to expound on the gifts I have and acknowledge their blessings. Not only the material things, but the true gifts of my family of friends and family. They are what make my life beautiful, as I hope, I compliment theirs as well.

Though I may live alone, I'm am not, far from it. Inspired through Hafiz here is what I wrote:

Alone?
I stood out side today
The sun kissed my tears away
As the wind ran its fingers through my hair
And caressed
The warmth enveloped me within its arms
And whispered in my ear
It's sacred love.

I was irritated when I wrote "Because" due to the implication of how one cannot be happy without someone. They can't, however, because I live alone doesn't mean I am.

The season of love, if that's what you call it

Well it's the start of a new week after Valentine's day when every bride, mother of the bride and friends are going to get their wedding ANY way they can.

I took care of 3 brides and 2 soon to be mother-in-laws today which were nasty, except for one. She was very sweet. This week I expect more. I can only imagine the ones who were nasty didn't get what they expected for Valentine's Day or had to drag it out of the other parties involved. It was like the day after Christmas, nasty.

This only reminds me of expectations. Pre dispositioning. Dreaming of the future only to find it's not all roses. The roses have thorns for a reason. I've done my own share, and catch myself when I still do it. Do I still dream? Yes, I have loads of them.

Because...

Went to see a new movie out, chick flick, with a friend. I think I was the only person there that didn't like it.

How many times have we heard:

Don't do that ... or you'll ...

Don't wear that...wear .....so you'll impress him/them. They like that.

Try to be...

I find that a bit discerning since if you don't do that special laugh, or nervous rambling, wear that bold bodacious print rather then the pleated skirt, or etc then what about YOU will they see? What about YOU will they like?

But then again, why take my advice or you'll be alone like me

The Contemplation of Light

When does a stone well seem like the turrent of a castle? The only difference is one goes up, the other goes down. But for the one that goes down it goes a long, long way. And then there's water, if it's not a dry well. The water tends to stay pretty much the same temperature; cold, because it sits at a certain line below the freeze line. At least that's my own rationalization I've come to dig up from a very dusty old memory that managed to brush itself off in my mind. AKA the library of confusion.

So now comes a light, small but strong, following it's path of least resistance via gravity to plop within the water. It doesn't fizzle out like that of a flame touching water, oh no, this one has to go under still glowing and bounce it's way back to the surface via the bouyancy of the water and the vaguely remembered scientific explantion of "magic". still glowing. Fighting the erosion of the water within the tiny cracks leading to a small battery funding it's fuel to stay lit.

I stare. Waiting. Knowing that eventually it too dies. Without cause or reason it started it's death with its first flicker on it's journey down.

"Nan" a voice called from above, and no she was defiantly not 'God'. That voice is everywhere and no where and sometimes comes from within. But this was a human voice. One I know well. It usually came with skittering sounds that floated away leaving behind stripes on the wall that resembled vines.

But now I could see. All around

"Plop" something else fell in. Looking for another light I noticed the reflection. "Ziploc". Hmmm, maybe that was a sacrifice for the dying ember slowing being tortured by moisture.

In the sacrificial gift I noticed more fuel for the fire to keep going.

I looked up and saw what looked like a little blonde girl by the well.

"Stay away from the light Carolanne!" I yelled with a grin.

"Come into the light Nan!" it yelled back with a chuckle.

Slowly my gaze caught the wall as the light filled the room. I saw rungs! As I put my hand up to the first rung my hand held tight. And instead of droplets of water, a book fell away to the pile that was being left behind.

Thank you G