Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Growing beyond....

We all have defense mechanisms that we’ve developed over time, often without being aware of it. In times of trouble, the behaviors that have worked to get us past challenges with the least amount of pain are the ones that we repeat; even when part of us knows they no longer work. Such behavior is a natural response from our mental and physical aspects. But because we are spiritual beings as well, we have the ability to rise above habits and patterns to see the truth that lay beyond. And from that moment on, we can make choices that allow us to work directly from that place of truth within us.
Most of our defense mechanisms were developed in childhood; from the moment that we realized crying would get us the attention we craved. Passive aggressive ways of communicating may have allowed us to get what we needed without being scolded, punished or laughed at, so we learned to avoid being direct and honest. Some of us may have taken refuge in the lives of others, discovering ways to direct attention away from ourselves entirely. Throwing ourselves into projects or rescuing others from themselves can be effective ways to avoid dealing with our own issues. And when people are truly helped by our actions, we get the added bonus of feeling heroic. But while defenses can keep away the things we fear, they can also work to keep our good from us.
When we can be honest with ourselves about what we truly desire, then we can connect our desires to the creative power of the spirit within us. Knowing that we are one with the energy of the universe allows us release any need for defense. Trusting that power, we know that we are exactly where we are meant to be, and that challenges bring gifts of growth and experience. When we can put down arms raised in defense, then we are free to use our hands, minds, hearts and spirits to mold and shape our abundant energy to create and live our lives.

I got this in my email today and found it rather insightful.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Garage sale...Grand Canyon Style

"Who da thunk it?" Paula laughed.

Picked up a few things, some clothes. Paula got to the cooler before I did, darn. But that's okay she and I usually go grocery shopping together and we'll both use it. Got a little bit of my 'shopping fix' in as Mike calls it. Just eased the beast for a little while.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

The beauty of Mother Nature

A cardinal landing in the waterfall for some water. Pretty bird, stayed a while for several great shots.

The yellow butterfly in Oak Canyon. Fluttered so prettily, got more shots, one better then this that I intend to play with.

The red earth of Sedona. Mike told me the red indicates a large amount of oxygen in the layers of rock. The base of the colors create a beautiful photo as they compliment each other.


Here are the pics of the car. It held up pretty well, thanks to Mike's driving.

Friday, April 25, 2008


Here it is Friday...again. Though this was a 'short' 'work' week it feels long because I got a lot done.

On Monday and Tuesday I had off, so it was a nice long weekend. Ended up running more, and doing more things it was almost a relief to get back to work. Which was a new job. Started in hr on Wednesday. A lot of filing since the person who I'm replacing is still there, she starts her work on Monday, but it's a good way to get aquainted with the staff that is there. It's nice to meet the newbies; and the staff I already know half of them and the other half is nice. So it'll be a good atmosphere to work in.

Today is a special Friday for one of the staff members, Sue, she and her guy get married up on the rim. So for their present I'm taking pictures, I've also got a beautiful frame for them to pick one to print. Still on my list for the weekend is to go to the Kolb studio to see the new show and the Hopi dancers.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Sunday blues...

Sunday, the day to play the blues. On the internet radio that is. Good stuff after a great Sunday morning breakfast. Sunday morning breakfasts and dinner is when we sit down together, eat and talk. Well, Mike and I talk to each other all the time, but over food is a time we go over more extensive ideas, dreams, and goals.

We're both looking forward to less windy days to get into the canyon but this gives us opportunity to add our ever growing supply of great photography to a site to order gifts from. One of Mike's was voted one of the best of the day. Which gets us pretty excited. Who knows where this will go, but for my best cheering section, 'it's out there!'

Friday, April 18, 2008

New stripes? They sure look like the old ones...

Sometimes people put on a facade of new clothes, life, job, home or a piece of furniture to distinquish the changes in their 'stripes'. At least until the same 'issues' that were supposed to leave with the chucking of the old come back around and waltz back into ones life challenging us to either handle it the way we always have or create a new outcome. Sometimes it's not easy to see the 'old' issues clearly as they're cleaverly disguised under layers of pretenses the 'new' was covering. Layering it as it is gives it a different face, but it knaws until the old face of familarity is back. Then it'll kick back and relax, because habit keeps it comfortable. deep inside arguing with will power 'why fight what you can't control?' 'I'm baaaack!' Justify the need, it whispers to the soul and the soul does turning it back into the habit it once was. Those outside get affected one way or another, some by shock, some by a tsk and a shake of the head, then those close to the eye of the storm can either get angry or realize the anger is in themselves for believeing the layers. Once the anger is gone a realization of choice is given, accept it for what it was and move on or boil in anger. Moving on doesn't mean staying open for that type of behavior to continue, but to learn from it and either cut it from the environment or not to let it continue to affect one by removing it from your life (usually through disassociation). Harm to another is not an accepted choice.

Before anyone reads anything into this no this is not about Mike and me, we're fine. Just a personal observation.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

The day after...

Yesterday started out really good. On the employee shuttle I heard "I Got You Babe" by Sonny and Cher; smiled as I wiped a tear. In the afternoonI got a call from the HR manager I had interviewed with last week and was offered the position. I was thrilled. She's going on vacation but wants to start training me on the 28th, so I had the opportunity of taking the week off (without pay), or coming in to do filing. After talking it over with Mike, who was encouraging me by pointing out what I can do with my free time - all of it leisure, I decided to take Monday and Tuesday off. So I get a nice long weekend.

But by the time I got home, finished a load of laundry and we ate dinner I was done. Tired, sore and frustrated with myself because I had been forgetting things, mostly words in the middle of a sentence. This has been going on all week and I had to move some boxes at work that weighed a bit which sent my muscles into spasm's but the therapist said today it seemed to help work out the tension and then gave me a wonderful massage and told me to be patient with myself and get rest.

Monday, April 14, 2008

And the desert bloomed...

It was a great trip to Phoenix. Really nice to ride in a car that was ours (even if only for the weekend). On the way down I looked out the window and saw so much desert, I commented on how I could almost see Clint Eastwood and Shirley McClain riding by on a horse and a mule. (From Two Mules for Sister Sarah). Mike laughed. It was the tail end of the blooming, so there was an abundance of yellow flowers, which made me think of Mada. The song "Horse with no Name", tuned on in my head and I smiled as I made peace with the desert.

Met my sweet, kind, future father-in-law and his very sweet generous girlfriend. I laughed as I noticed little things that Mike does, his father does also. It was cute.

We went into Scottsdale. Nice town, kind of similar to St. Augustine with the many many galleries, restaurants, and tourist traps. My windows would go well in a couple of the galleries. Actually wished for a moment to have the supplies and stuff, but that part is done, time to move forward. We relaxed a lot at their home, I sat outside most of the time soaking in the hot weather and enjoyed it. What a first. Got a little sun, not too much. Mike and I shared my camera to take pictures of the various birds that came into the back yard. It's sits on the edge of a wash, they have bird feeders and a nicely constructed waterfall which draws the animals.

On our way home yesterday we stopped in Sedona. Pretty place. Way too crowded and it's not even 'season'. I'd love to get some of the beautiful dirt to make some pottery or paint. Found a great little restaurant overlooking the creek, sat outside and were able to smoke after we ate. Not very available here (or in Florida). Then stopped at Oak Creek Canyon to look at the overview. The twists and turns bothered me a bit as we climbed the mountain. Its the first time since I've been here my fear of heights really bothered me. The canyon there is so different, full of pines and dark rock, make me think of the Misty Mountains in the Hobbit. Caught some pictures of a pretty yellow butterfly (not an easy thing).

It was a really nice birthday weekend, a very memorable way to mark the 45th. It is nice to get 'home', though it's back to work today. Will download pics soon, though it's getting harder to tell which is Mike's or mine. He's been using the camera pretty much since the accident for several reasons, the main one is it makes my back pack way too heavy to carry with my shoulder. I tried it last week and sadly shook my head when I felt the twinges. Soon I will be able to again.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Getting away

Though my shoulder is tweaking a bit due to the deep tissue massage the physical therapist gave me yesterday, it's not keeping me down. Just a few more things to pack and we're on our way to Phoenix for the weekend.

I admit I'm just a little nervous meeing Mike's father and girlfriend, but the calling of exploration of a new place is more important. I hear the cactus is in bloom. Though my introduction of Phoenix wasn't great one can't judge a city by just the airport and bus station. And for the record I am looking forward to getting into the 85 degree weather. Write that down, it's a first. We both wonder if we'll want to come back, but I don't think that'll be a problem since we want to drive through Sedona on the way back. That's the place I probably won't want to leave, but this will be a good way to get our feet wet so to say.

It's the first time we'll be driving ourselves (getting a rental in Flag), since the accident. I know that's been a tickle in the back of my mind; getting back on the horse per se, but we'll do it and be better for it. So more will be written after the weekend, in the meanwhile, I'll take notes.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008


Just last week the new grass peeked up creating a little magic for those who noticed it. It's brief and only happens once, that surge, the captured attention of the sunlight on the new grass with the birds singing in the trees. Yes I hear the instrumental music used on Bugs Bunny. haha.

But today, spring is quiet. There were snow flurries outside this morning. Just a dusting. Maybe, just maybe it'll create more green and color as little tiny flowers are starting to peek out of crevices.

Sunday, April 06, 2008

New Picture

I just posted a picture for my profile on the blog. It was fun playing with the Adobe Elements using different lighting, textures and changing the saturation, hue and brightness. I saved a couple of them, for the difference, but used the one because if one looks close enough you can see Mike's reflection on taking the picture in my sunglasses.

This one is straight out of the camera. Mid day lighting (too harsh)

This one is changed to black and white with a few filter plays.

This final one, I removed the color, and added 'old photo' to give it graininess or character as I like to refer to it.

I'm looking forward to seeing what other fun stuff to do.

Saturday, April 05, 2008


I was talking with a friend yesterday about patterns that reoccur in our lives. Most times we only observe the negative ones expressing 'not again!'. This person's experience has taught that those patterns reoccur as I have not succeeded in learning the lesson. I have found that when I step back, look at the big picture, and ask myself 'what is my lesson in this?' I am faced with the truth. Sometimes it hurts to see how I've manifested, through action and words this part of my own environment; othertimes it shows me a part of the past that is needed to move on. This affects those in my environment from those close to me and those that I have become acquainted with. I know I can only change what is in me personally, not anyone else.
With that knowledge I have access to the tools to change my environment one step at a time. That is where I tend to find myself in what I like to think of as a 'new room' in my home. It's free of clutter and open for opportunities for me to 'fill' it with my memories, actions and words. This continues throughout my life constantly, though I've found it's become a habit most of the time. Accepting the lesson can be hard but cleansing, and there are times I've had to tell myself 'there is something so much better on the otherside', because once the task is completed there is something better on the otherside of it and I am part of that something better and it's the beginning of something new.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008


Mike's results came in, finally. He's the olive. Olive? Yes, in the martini shaker. Just take it easy, live as 'normal' as possible and heal. He's doing well, me I have a cold. Ahhh, my words come back to haunt me 'this too shall pass'.