Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Mantle of mourning

Weighed heavy through to this afternoon. I've missed a lot of things we shared intimately and not, even the way his breathing evened out when he slept. So I embrace it and ignore the haunting questions that only hurt myself more; knowing deep down I will be something so much more beyond this.

Learning from this the mantra question I am allowing myself is: 'how do I let the betrayal go without it closing me off from the rich encounters of humanity, including the many faces of love?' With this as the devine internal question I open my eyes and self.

Sometimes the grief feels mixed as my mind slips over to my daugther, it is there I find the real truth and reality of knowing and not all at once. For as much as he had changed my life, she changed my world and existance and that is where the new creation begins.

2 comments:

Lisa J. Michaels said...

You have always been more than all this, and you will continue to grow beyond it. I am of the belief that there are no accidents, and everything happens for your ultimate good.

So many of us are afraid to take the undeniably foolish leap into trusting and loving another flawed human being. We often sit on the sidelines and watch while others recklessly throw themselves off a cliff in search of love. Many live their entire lives in fear of making such grand jesters, because they might look foolish and end up dissappointed.

In doing so, in refusing to let go, to give in and try, they experience nothing and die without ever having known what it is to love.

If your pride is shaken, it's because you still have self-worth, despite your pain.

If you're tired and weary, it's because you put your heart and soul into it and gave it your all.

If your heart is aching, it is proof that it still exists and can be won again.

Dr. Leo Buscaglia(God rest his soul)often said, "The people who are most afraid of passing, are the ones who never lived at all."

Have no regrets, the reasons will reveal themselves in their own due time.

Jackie said...

Know that you gave your love and trust with honesty and a caring heart...he didn't. That your heart mourns shows that your heart is still tender towards others. Don't let it become hard. When we harden our hearts because we don't want to hurt we also harden it against accepting the love and care that others offer us. Love you sis, and think of you often everyday.