Monday, August 11, 2008

The Journey

August 8th: Been in a funk, but the light rain felt good as is the comfort of the fresh smells of the forests.

Tonight I thought of a dream I had when the possiblity appeared of us moving to Colorado. In it I approached Mike in the sidewalk, carrying something in my hands, but feeling torn inside. I was crushed emotionally in the way he swaggered up to me - his arm around a very young blonde girl. I remember seeing him in a long rain coat even thought the sun was shining. He said something sarcastic and turned away with his arm still around her and all I could think of was 'he's going to the wrong side of town, it's much nicer over here.' Silly as some dreams go but the thought of it lit another thought or question; was that the beginning of the end? More then likely.

After he left I was okay, I could see the magnitude for which it was; no big deal. I was still whole and had my faith in convictions. Until I found out the monies in his work bank were taken. It was a kick in the gut; stunned I questioned myself as to why I didn't feel this way about the monies I had given him to put into savings for 'us', or the car. It was realized after much gainful conversations with MJ, in regards to my faith of him having a shred of integrity; it had become the very last straw of betrayal.

I am ever so grateful I did not have a chain to put on my finger to bind me in a chokehold.

Should the dream, ever in it's own inkling, come true; I would not approach him with a gift of my tears; but a truth to show his lack of existance in which he has become.

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