October

Not officially the beginning of fall, but it has been cooler in the mornings. Came down with something Thursday, went home Friday and after as much pampering as I can do I feel a lot better. Working a lot, as September and October is busy months for groups not been doing a whole lot of anything else. Zak's visiting in December, looking foward to that.
So in comes October, I'm not as excited as I usually am with regards to the approaching holidays; maybe the excitement is waiting? For what? I guess I'll know when it (what ever that is) happens.
The elk have been using my back yard as a 'singles' meet; this last week they've been bugling a lot. Such a funny squeak from such a large animal.
Well I hope to have more to blog about this month and I hope everyone's month is filled with happy surprises.

Happy Birthday MJ

Looks like we're on the way to 50! I know I reach it 6 months before you, but that's okay you'll get there eventually.

My backyard

I decided to go down the Bright Angel Trail for just a little bit. So I put together my hiking things; water, apples, snacks, then threw in my sketchbook and pencils. I thought what the heck it certainly is a different world below the rim might as well get a practice piece in.

I ate breakfast at Maswik then moved on.

Just past the first tunnel I came to a bend that was shady, cool and had some rocks to sit on. In the center of the bend is a tall skeleton of a Douglas Fir. I was surprised the trail wasn't that busy but then the park has slowed down just a bit as school has started; so I took out my sketchbook and a 6B pencil and started.

I was more then surprised at the number of hikers who did stop to look and was quite surprised to get "nice sketch", "beautiful", and a father/daughter smiled and said "we'll check on the progress on the way back". I had to giggle. Well needless to say they did and they were very sweet, the daughter asked to take a picture of the sketch and me, and I consented, as did another lady later. At least this time they asked. What surprised me more was the reaction to just a rough sketch, a really rough one at that. So here it is:



A smaller part of the bigger whole (or hole) literally and figuratively.

On the way back I found another spot - once again around the first tunnel I will go down to tomorrow morning and sketch.

Back door friends

Yesterday I noticed a sap sucker (bad name for a very pretty bird) outside so I ducked inside to get my camera. I didn't realize until I had stepped mid way onto the porch there was a doe about 20 feet away; she looked at me sorta startled and I said "well hello".

Then she started walking towards me; which startled me so I took a step backwards and she stopped.

She looked at me for a minute; then noticed the sound of my neighbor talking on the phone.

She stopped to think for a moment before moving on:


Meanwhile the sap sucker had moved a little bit so I went to find him or her, and found it I did:

September

Happy September everyone! Hard to believe it's here. 'No matter how much things change, no matter how much they remain the same' goes through my mind as we all know change is contstant, yet eventually we come to full cirle. Or do we?

On the 11th (how auspicious is that?!) I will be in this position a year. It's been a great learning experience and I'm glad I'm still there. It changes like tides with 'seasons' and September is our hardest part of the 'season'. After checking 14 books this morning I see why.

Summer reflections

Hard to believe September is just around the corner, and soon Christmas will follow. August at least the end of it has seen grief especially for one of my best friends and her family; I cry with them. To me it extended the time that comes around every year and each year is different; not always better, not always worse but different. I've been going through my vastness of photographs and made cd's for Gayle and Karen of the two times we explored together. You saw some of the Zion photographs now to reflect on the July 4th parade in Prescott, AZ (pronounced like 'biscuit'):









Never thought I'd see the Shriner's with out the little cars.



That is something I'd thought I would only see in the North East.



Now I feel more at home





This was by no means 'the end'after all isn't life a parade..

Letting go...

Familar vignettes
The comforting old grudges
Time to let them go

2 years ago today...

I along with my sister Susan embarked on recreating life as we know it. I've been looking around and thinking "wow, how much has really changed?"

When we arrived we arrived with a couple of suit cases and carry on's. Life in a suitcase. Of course there were surprises and disappointments - those disappointments are expectations we brought on ourselves. I became my old boss' hero when I told her we had shipped a box of shoes to ourselves because we didn't have room in the luggage. Halarious to think of, considering most were the wrong kind of shoes - believe me you don't wear heels at the canyon except maybe once a year at the Christmas party. But the cowboy boots purchased in Georgia was the best investment to this day. I love them. Along with the suede/fleece coat.

Now I have an apartment, granted where I live on the outside front reminds me of section 8 houseing; but the sliding glass doors open to a forest where animals of all sizes; ranges and elements roam; including human but not many of those. Then there is the canyon, what I call my official 'backyard'. Beats the hell out of buying yard art! It even changes with the seasons; so no having to bring in the seasonal pieces makes it more enjoyable. But my apartment is comfortable; with the help of a friend with a car I have collected some interesting and beautiful pieces; including what I call my 'bordello bedroom' because almost everything is in red tones. I just can't bring myself to put the purple area rugs in there - that would truely confirm it. But is that re-creating a past life? Lord knows enough people took my picture at the front desk and out by the canyon as though I had been a part of a time capsule.

There are a lot of things I miss; my car - just for pure freedom, my friends, Publix and their higher-then-other-stores-but-the-quality-is-worth-it, what I have in storage in Florida, Ross and Marshall's and I know there are other things as well. But to look up and see the milky way - not the candy bar but the 'stairway to life' is pretty amazing. Watching the movement of the stars and every once in a while seeing a few fall deciding what to wish for (world peace). The 'lawnboys' with their racks munching grass outside my door. There were a lot of babies this year, a lot more then last year. They may be 'smaller' but they're still plenty big. The different people I've met from all over the globe; no where I have been would have offered this smorgasboard of personalities.

I have learned a lot; on the professional level I've done what some consider 'management training' with weeks spent in different departments (front desk, accounting, human resources, and now group sales). This last one is the longest I've held since coming here, a year next month. I'm learning a little more just how obscure being a 'concessionaire' in a national park is. On a personal level I've learned to love, be loved, be un-loved, and most important I'm still in the process of being true to myself. But I think that is an on-going education we all have and perfect in each of our own ways. Selfish? Maybe, but honey you only have one life; YOURS and no one, I repeat, NO ONE is responsible for your misery or happiness but YOU. Yes I get lonely, but like anything else including good luck, happiness or money it passes. Sometimes like a long winded stinky fart; sometimes like a gentle breeze. Part of the process.

So it's taken two years for me to go into another 'resolution' for myself. I discovered last year when I got restless to walk down into the canyon; it's almost time - probably Sunday - Mada's day. I feel as though I've moved away from some of the traits I liked about myself when I came here. Is it time to be more aware of those traits and not conform to expectation of others? Yes. Will I be more alone? Maybe, maybe not the future is a blank canvas on which I will express with color; me. I do want to get a good vehicle, so that'll keep me here for a while; which means I will realign myself to utilizing my benefits for what they are, start hiking again to relieve my inner restlessness, draw more even if it's a little doodle, and being kind, not just to others but to myself as well.

North Rim and Zion

Gayle asked on the spur of the moment last week if I'd like to get out of the park and go see the North Rim and Zion. Well, like any person who doesn't have many opportunities to get out I jumped at the chance. Once we made the preparations she asked Karen to come along too; so it turned into a girls weekend much like July 4th.

Stayed at a cabin at Jacob's lake, the North Rim is so different and smaller but higher in altitude so there are a lot of Aspen - my favorite trees.



After shopping - and they do have a great gift shop, we headed to Zion in Utah. I've never wanted to visit Utah, though I've heard time and again how beautiful it is. Traveling between towns is more and more desert; time and again I've questioned myself as to why am I in the desert? I know I chose it, was it subconciously to dry the tears? Or rediscover the basics of life and finding it in the most unlikely places such as the rich colored sands, the vastness of harsh beauty. The sand kept getting redder the further we traveled north. I wanted to scoop some up to take with me (which I did on the way home), because the color is so vibrant and rich; it's absolute pure minerals.

I drew a little in the back seat; some three second pictures in my little sketchbook, but soon picked up the camera and gave new meaning to 'drive by shooting'. I think I'm getting pretty darn good taking photos from a moving vehicle and I don't even have an IS (image stablizing) lens.



Utah is called the 'beehive' state; maybe because some of the rock formations look like bee hives. Frankly I thought they looked like a mixed swirled ice cream. But then I would.



It seemed like every turn was a new oasis of color and beauty. When we stopped for all of us to take a photo I got out of the car and had tears in my eyes for the magnificence of beauty.



Now we're further inside the park, we stopped at the Human Museum (and no I didn't go in there - there's too much outside for the limited time I had) and took the shuttle. It is one of the cleanest parks I have ever seen - and the town out side is calling my name to explore more. So put on some soothing music - something that touches deep inside and look at more:











We sat down in front of Zion Lodge at the bottom of the canyon and sniffed the air like doggies; we could smell the green in the grass. I wanted to be a dog at that moment and roll around in it. But it was refreshing to the eyes just to see the green.

The next day we went back after staying in a b&b. Parked at the same place and took the shuttle beyond the lodge to the last stop. Walked the mile river walk - that is where you see the hanging gardens, there's bogs with cat tails, and big red dragon flies. The Western Swallowtails fluttered above peoples heads; it was crowded but everyone was absorbing the beauty of it. Once we reached the end of the trail we went into the river; oh it felt so good! 60 degree water in 80 something heat - the sun was hot and boy did I want to load my back pack with the river rocks but knew better. That and the fact I was trying not to lose my footing - didn't want to get the camera wet. I would've gone further into the narrows, I still want to but the footing was not the greatest and I didn't have hiking poles.



Gayle continued on and went into the narrows eventually I will go there myself.

I was amazed and dazed at the natural colors; it felt like I was walking into a Thomas Cole painting from the late 1800's - Hudson Valley School of Art, I felt rather a little shamed how my camera couldn't do it justice, much less my art. Though I have enough fodder to try and try again.

It was almost disappointing to get back home though I was tired; it takes 5 hours to drive from there and we started out late because we didn't want to leave.

I can only imagine it in winter....

Wanderings

As I wander I like to take my camera with me - go figure - so I can catch something I want to identify.

This is I believe a Plain Titmouse; however I'm unsure I'll have to check with Gayle's library of Sibley books - those are GREAT sources.



9/6/09 - Update - this is actually a juniper titmouse

Yes this high desert environment blooms and it is beautiful. Here's what I think is a beautiful shot of the Prickley Poppy.

Poetry in bloom

The Lawn Boy

See how nicely he's taking care of the overgrown grass? Nice rack!

Unfortunately he looked up and noticed my bird feeder which he promptly tore off a rope I have Christmas lights hooked up to. (For some reason the elk LOVE bird food; I can't fathom it) I then proceeded to yell at him (as a mother does a child) so he decided he was done and sauntered off before finishing the job!



What nerve!

Ramblings from the week...

I make my bed in which I lie
Create the dreams of what's to be
The matrix assembles to my opening eyes
I breathe
I made my bed on which I lay
Live the dreams of what's to be
I am part of this world I chose for me
I breathe

Walking through footstpes
Those we started before
Finalizing us

Silence! Screams inside
As I fold onto myself
Reverberating

With uncertaintly
Reading through my ramblings
To see what I see

Thresholds of my soul
Passing through my memories
Sifting emotions

Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet. ~Roger Miller

We've had rain on and off for the past week; though the weather looks like it'll be nice next week. This stuffs the shuttle busses with bodies; along with the stores and restaurants. Thatll help on that front I'm sure; but it does make us locals choosy with regards to where we go and how.

For me the weather has given me opportunity to set up my new apartment the way I want to and dream about how I want to decorate it. Life is just too short to waste on worries as I ponder what I want to achieve and/or make in the next five years. What ever life brings I hope to meet it with joy and beauty

May, the month for changes

May was brought in with a gusty wind of change. Mike had left on the 1st; ushering a week of realignment with myself. Friday's full moon brought out the depth of mercury retro; with communication alignments going full charge.

I have been reminded again how much my family of friends mean to me; those at long distances and those close by.

I still very much like my job I do; I've got some areas I definately need improvment but I know deep in my heart that when I have them improved I will do well.

I believe things happen for reasons; sometime we don't understand them, other times it's quite obvious. Yesterday throughout the morning people were dropping coins. The first time it passed through my mind; after the second time I got the message: Change. Not just myself; but what I accept regarding personal behavior to me - those are the most obvious. The rest will surface in time.

Happy Mothers Day

To one and all.
Last year at this time we had snow. Thank goodness the sun is shining and it's beautiful; expected to be near 80. What a relief.

Happy April

Here it is April already; the day before my eldest sisters birthday; HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIS! I hope it's a really good one for you. Got plans?

The park is getting busier; we had a power outage on Friday for about 3 hours. I think everyone in my office went home and took a nap. A few of us wandered in on Saturday to finish up what wasn't done. The office was nice and quiet. Walked to work in a little snow; it was pretty. Boy am I looking forward to warmer weather.

One week ago last Wednesday I got a new do. The ponytail has been saved to send to Locks for Love; but a whole lot more came off.

This is before:


This is after


I like it, and so does Mike.

An observation of human nature or action?

While Mike was getting gas yesterday I was gazing out the window people watching. At one pump I noticed a Cadillac SUV and the pump behind it a Japanese couple pulled up in a rental car. It has been my experience here with anyone in a Cadillac SUV, so far anyways, they tend to 'ignore' anyone, even be rude by cutting off or blocking entrances/exits. (This on was no exception to the latter, but thank goodness I've not had to see this on the road only at gas stations). I watched Mike go in, and a nice older gentleman held the door for him as he noticed him approach; he then walked to the SUV and I smiled inside thinking "hmm, maybe this one will change that image I have" but he climbed in the back seat. When the driver came out, the Japanese man followed him to his car, he glanced at the couple behind him causing me to glance too. They were confused as to how to work the gas pump; not surprising to me. So the SUV driver opened his trunk put in his case of drink and got in the car and left. That surprised me. Even the couple looked surprised; so I rolled my window down and asked if they needed help. They did so I did.
I was a bit disappointed in the lack of actions or should I say the lack of courtesy. I suppose the way the car blocked the way around the pump should have tipped me off; and for some reason I feel or sense the elder man who sat in the back noticed as they drove off.

Mike's words

Brought to him in a dream:

It's not where you
start from today
But rather where you
Finish tomorrow.

Don't think I could've said it better.

As the world turns..'s

As most of you know I no longer have a cell phone; those who want my home number read your emails; it there for YOU to stay in touch should YOU want to.

It's scary reading about all the problems in the 'outside' world, yes it's affecting us here; but not as much I think as a lot of people in my old hometowns. Yet I'm just a bit thrilled to see people re-creating themselves into thriving, caring humans. It's a bit like people waking up after a numbness of watching television for waaayyyy too long.

I've been feeling restless; wanting to move onward. I know I have to wait a while; and learn more but I look forward to moving FORWARD.

Days gone by...

The past two weekends have moved in a blurr with the weekdays used as 'catch up' in taking in a breath.

It was great to have Dwight and Terry here for too short a time. I had to laugh when she looked at me rather seriously and said "Your crows here are as big as chickens!" Ahhh, the raven's; aka, the seagulls of the west. Hell this used to be an ocean; there's proof on the edge of the rim with the fossilized marine life, so I think the sea gulls just got overly burnt by the sun and became ravens. Ate out, walked a lot, drove a lot. Boy their rental car was so big, I think we could've drove our little car into it and still had room for a driver and a passenger. She offered to let me go where I wanted...tempting but I would've come back with more then what my apartment could hold. So I took her to see the wonder and the extraordinary canyon.

This weekend Mike and I used the gift certificate I won at the managers party to stay at the Radisson in Flag. As they had a sleep number bed we found our number, went to dinner at Red Lobster; which I can't remember the last time that was. MJ do you remember? Anyways it was heaven eating lobster tails. Today we leisurely grocery shopped and we're so relaxed; it was nice for a change as we usually leave early in the morning and get back for a late lunch tired and grumpy. I went to do my laundy but lo and behold the door was bolted and locked with a note "Closed until further notice". Grumbling and adding it to my list, after all like MANY things, laundry facilities are NOT abundant here, I think next week I'll take a mule down to the river and pound out my frustrations on my laundry by the river.