New Discoveries

Yesterday Mike needed to go to Flag for a CAT scan. A very nice co-worker friend took us. As we started out early we found a store she had wanted to see, Mike and I enjoyed it's presence as well. Since we had some time to kill we drove around and found a little open aired 'mall'. I use that word sparingly as it's still in the building process but I was thrilled to see some of my favorite stores there, especially Marshall's. There was a new one called World Market we decided to wander into and were overjoyed at the colors, scents and prices. When we took Mike to the hospital Paula and I wandered back to Marshall's. After picking him up and having lunch we went to Home Depot (in the same 'mall') after getting what Paula needed Mike and I both gravitated to the garden department. I had to smell the fresh basil multiple times, each time burying my nose in the fragrant leaves and inhaling deeply. Seeing that I have no political ambitions, YES I INHALED!!. Oh that was something else, nevermind.

I thought of MJ often, especially in World Market. Going down the aisles of unique food items reminded me of her, our trip to London, and how she inspires anyone she is near to try new things. Such the adventurous spirit she is. So Mike picked up a few things, I did too and found some chocolate thins made with Belgium chocolate...OMG they are HEAVEN. Another memory of London when MJ re-introduced me to chocolate, european chocolate in London; reinventing the love I thought I had lost and mourned. (blasphamy) Mike liked the shop so much we've declared it a danger zone; together. Paula concurred.

Leaving there we did the usual stop at WallyWorld. Walking in I smiled as I remembered the first time Susan and I got out of the canyon and ventured into the unfamilar territory. I was shaken leaving my quiet sanctuary to venture into what felt like a crowd. This time it was rejuvinating, though with a pang of regret as this was our last stop before going back home to the canyon. I realized how much I miss the 'civilized' world, I miss being able to go at my own whim (in my own car), do and see what I want. I wonder about the differences and consider for a moment if my move to the Canyon was a way to realign my spirit onto the axis it had fallen so far off. I had a beautiful place in a beautiful town with beautiful people, but was missing something so much more it was unidentifiable; though those close to me know the many different reasons, it was a necessary step. Does the step have to be so drastic? Sometimes, as I know there have been those who have honestly spoke to me about being jealous they couldn't do the same thing; I could hear the ache in their soul as they uttered their words. Mankind has always been a bit nomadic, some more then others. Many times my siblings and I would quip, or groan and moan about our 'gypsy blood' or our 'gyspy feet' aching to move on.

The trip to town got my imagination going to dream of a place to plant for a while. Literally and figuratively. That seems such a vague dream right now, but where ever I move onto I look forward. The best part is the richness added with Michael at my side and I by his, as we both contemplate and toss around ideas of the next steps to get where we want to set roots. Into the soil of our future together.

Building blocks

Gosh has it been a week already?? Taking the time off from last Thursday to Monday was necessary. Unfortunately it wasn't enough for Michael as he's experiencing more headaches and such whereas mine are more minor discomforts; ie; stiffness, a twinge here and there. But we are taking it one step at a time for healing and life.
Learning to balance is and always seems to be the most difficult. He told me this morning he misses me working on my photos and drawings, where I miss his music. I know personally we both have time to chose to do those things we love; it's a matter of stopping the 'time suckers'. You know, computer playing, television, so in my head that whiny voice that says 'I don't have time', is false. Recognizing that for me personally is important, it doesn't apply to anyone but me.
Last night the movie 'Field of Dreams' was on. I've never seen it completely, only in bits, but I finally got to watch most of it. Along with that have been what I call 'signs', whether it'd be quips of conversations, images or just plain dreams there's been a connection. That may end up being a blog or a personal journal entry later but it is part of the building blocks.
Mike and I are officially engaged, however the date remains elusive as there are choices we consider important for our wedding. Many things run through my mind from the material things (rings, clothing, etc), to the non material items, (time, place, wording, etc).
I mention the wedding as it's one of our building blocks in our future together; and how it will affect not only ourselves but those that are in our lives as we take our steps together blending our worlds. Part of our building blocks.

Healing...

Both of us went to the clinic Thursday. Despite the pressures from jobs, mostly mine, we're off through the weekend. Mike has a concussion, me I have spasiming muscles. Frankly I don't feel them spasm all that much - occassionally, but they stay pretty much tight. I start physical therapy on the 28th, if I still feel as tight as I am I'll insist on xrays before hand. Personally I think a 4 day weekend at a spa would be perfect. It should also be deductable, because of the medicinal benefits it would entail. I know a great massage, a hot tub, a pool and just all out relaxing would induce a healthier way of healing rather then drugs (I wish we could be closer to Terri's house), but alas that just isn't happening. So I take the drug with reluctance and in my mind we're at Terri's Health Spa getting well.
Susan left this morning, heading back to St. Pete to help her grandson. I hope she does well with changing his complete environment. I know she's happy to be going back, she will be missed, but it is with anticipation she find her joy in life.

Some of the best decisions are made over morning coffee

This morning as Mike and I were pausing from our computers, he sat next to me and asked me to marry him. I said yes. Now where is that paper bag to breathe into??? So world, here is Mike. He's so cute.

I have been asked if it was the accident that prompted the question. Yes and no. He had been thinking about it for a while, and the accident proved how short life can be.

It will be somewhere here in the Canyon, but all other details will be decided upon soon.

Life's changing moments

Life changing events often cause a ripple of events that affect us for the rest of our lives. Whether it be through birth, death, accident, or what ever it reaches to those who are near, far and unknown. Life happens, even if it's in that flash of a last second before one is caught up in a cataclysmic moment. Sometimes it takes years to come out of the darkness, but when one can open their eyes and smile from their soul the world is beauty; in the kindness of a strangers words, the embrace of a loved one, the voice of your best friend, even in the ache of a sore muscle. One feels the connection in their soul to life in its purest form.
Taking Mike's hand as he helped me from the mangled formation that was formerly a vehicle, became a nexus . When we stepped away still holding onto each other it became a transformed world for us. Calamitous at first, until we saw and felt more stirrings of life. There are those that are less fortunate for them I grieve and hope they find their way through the darkness to smile yet again as they turn their face to the sun.

NOT on my list of things to do....

Life is great, and I am so thankful Mike and I are alive. Yesterday, 3/16/08 around 1230pm there was a MASSIVE pileup on interstate 40 in Flagstaff and we were in the middle of it. Borrowed a friends Geo and went to Flag to do some shopping. On the way back Mike was driving 30mph, because of white out conditions and ice on the road. It took us 1/2 mile to come to a stop, but we did and thought whew were safe, until he heard the honking of a semi out of control 1/2 mile behind us. Mike got us rolling forward (law of physics), and we were slammed by the jackknifing trailer, pushed like a pinball between a panel truck, another semi and a couple of suvs. As soon as the trailer hit us our seats flipped back and with the impact on myside, the glass from my door flew in, and part of the windshield. I think it was the seats releasing themselves that saved us. Once we came to a stop, (it spinned us completely around) Mike had me wait a moment - incase there was going to be more coming at us, and we then quickly exited the car through the drivers side as our full gas tank was now empty on the road. His door was working, mine was crushed in. I have superficial lacerations on my face (really light ones), my neck, right thigh, and back is achy from tense muscles, Mike's the same way without the cuts, but we WALKED away from it. We walked around for 3 hours calling people and insurance companies, while the rescue teams took care of triage, then asked about getting checked out and had to walk down hill about a half a mile, cross over to the East bound lane (which had the same problem - 70 cars on West bound where we were, 50 on East bound), then we climbed into an ambulance and was taken to a sub clinic of the local hospital. They were innundated, but did a fantastic job. Once we got released we got a got a taxi, hotel room, took a shower and ate dinner and relaxed as much as we could. The interstate finally opened at 430 this morning so we called Flagstaff Express and got home. Everyone has been really nice, from us being out of work to the guy who's car we borrowed. I got email addresses from several people who took pictures of our car, and once they found out which car we were in most shook our hands and said 'happy your alive', So are we.

Canyon time...

A step out of 'reality'. I've met a lot of people and know them by name; it's important, we all like to hear our names being called out in recognition, and all refer to living outside of the canyon as 'being in the outside world.' After all where else does one's electric bill reflect the most on the first bill (under $50) and the subsequent bills be half that! It certainly doesn't happen in 'the outside world'. There's also a store where eggs are not $3.69 a dozen, movie theatres to go to, different dining options that offer 'real' food. Not to mention the most important part, those who's lives are connected to yours, but teaching beauty and truth to the following generations with love and integrity. I admire them and miss them.
We're getting a host of international people in. Mostly young people in their early 20's. Met a few of them on the shuttle a couple of days ago. Beautiful, sweet and full of life. Yesterday at lunch I was listening to conversations all around me, in various different languages. As I looked I saw out of the corner of my eye the shadow of the faces of our girls. Like the dancing butterfly and dragonfly the image flittered beyond. I smiled sadly as my heart ached a bit and listened a little more. Out side perched in a tree was a child raven. It looked more like the crows I've seen in Florida, but it was exercising it's vocal cords beautifully. I laughed outloud when it sounded like a dolphin playing, excited at the connecting sounds of spirit.
Was it just escapism coming here? I imagine and wonder how my sister-friends would flourish were they in the same shoes, knowing their strengths and stamina how deeply rich they would set out to adventure.
No feathers found, but the wind in the trees embrace the chill as winter grasps with apprehension to release the world to spring.

Mundane

Time and people are restless. A break from the mundane is building. When we all capitulate events will then eruct as volcanos creating new land mass to build on. Maybe it's the changes in the weather that stir our pots of energies; as our minds feed on the many seeds of inspiration daring us to nurture one or more to create those changes we ache for in our lives. As adults we've learned, sometimes the hard way, that our actions create ripples of effects well into our futures...and past. How we react, employ, or utilize the changes is the basis of the change and constitues the memories in the journey we face and how we perceive them from the past.

I know for myself the same seed gets planted every year and like a very slow growing tree the roots grow a little deeper and the leaves stretch towards the sun opening every pore to abosorb the nurturing energy. It is of course art. It is when the 'mundane' of physical survival questions the nature that the nature quietly moves to the sidelines and interjects at auspicious moments. For others it is something else entirely. But deep inside we have those desires, wishes, dreams or any other euphamism you use; waiting patiently for those moments to stretch each pore in the sun absorbing the nurturing energy to flower.

Traffic Jams

I was taking a break yesterday, enjoying the sun when I looked down the road and saw a line of cars with break lights on. Here in the canyon we have different terms for traffic jams. Elk jams. Squirrel jams. Deer jams. Toe jams. What it all constitutes is still yet another line to wait in while someone takes a picture. (Of toes? Well I suppose some people can't help but get their feet in the picture.)
Since they're 'jams' how about we just call them a party? Picture the elk band with sunglasses playing instruments...Is this what happens in space as the flying spacecraft slowly drifts by as they ooo and ahhh out their viewing portals watching 'primitive beings' in their natural habitat?
Another part of the snowglobe effect.

Counting...rocks

This week is the week of inventory. Counting each and every little item that is sold in all of the retail shops here in the Canyon. No we don't count the little rocks, just the big ones. lol. As my boss pointed out it's a good way to see what you may want to get in July when we have our 'Christmas in July' special discount for employees. Frankly what I'd like to see is my artwork in the stores. Research ongoing, so who knows.

Most of the snow is gone, what remains are little bits here and there and the tourist are coming in. It's a bit of a relief after a slow season; though I know soon I won't even want to venture near the rim as it will be too crowded.

The artwork is still hung at the rec center for the community art show we had a couple of weeks ago. A few people sold their items. I received a lot of comments on mine but does it count when it doesn't sell? Counting, seems to be the theme of the week; so count your blessings and revel in the joy they give.

Spring

A taste of Spring as it reaches to 67 degrees today. I know those in Florida would be putting jackets on. This morning when I walked out my door it was in the 20's. I wore my jean jacket and gloves, it felt good. Saw a herd of deer as I walked to Mike's work to meet him for breakfast. More then 10 does and 2 bucks. More of a harem if you ask me, but they were pretty just the same. If we get up early enough (we usually do) we might see other types - hopefully big horn sheep by the El Tovar. To be continued...

Even more winter

Yes, more winter. Friday we had more snow, even lightning and thunder. What a wild combination. I am really looking forward to spring, but in the meantime (that wonderful word)...Mike and I went out for a walk on Saturday. The sun came out and it starting melting quickly. It was funny, almost like Nature was having a snowball fight, just daring us to stand under a tree to plop a load of snow on our heads. Susan came close as we ran into her after our photo outing.

Some of the trees looked cartoonish like the one on the left. Reminded me of Dr. Seuss.

We started out on the road near out house, walked to the rec center; despite how snowy it is it wasn't that cold. I didn't realize until we were leaving the rec center I had it on black and white, but that's okay. They came out pretty good. I've taken some pretty good pictures if I do say so myself, getting better. I find if I zoom it in 3 or 4 to 1 and I can see the details it's a good picture.

Going through these Mike commented on how some of them would make an interesting puzzle. Hmm, life is like that; sometimes a big confusing puzzle until you see the big beautiful picture.


Can you see the blue sky in one of these? It's like Waldo, some where in there. This is a good time to review the textures in the trunks, observe te differences between the juniper and pines. They both smell devine in a fireplace however I've observed when Juniper wood is burned peoples allergies are kicked into high gear.(including mine) My theory is the pollen is still whole and 'ingrained' in the wood, when it is burned it is released into the area.

Despite all the winter, I still feel the stirring of spring. Starting to see different birds come up from the warmth of the canyon; there was even a Javalina running down the road by the Bright Angel last week. That's a rare sight up here on the rim. Those behind the desk didn't realize it, even when they got comment cards regarding the pig outside their room. Some thought it was metaphorical. Well at least the pig wasn't in the room, or in some cases was; but symbols come in many forms...

Most of this melted off the trees by Sunday evening, natures way of showing how quickly change can occur whether we notice or not.

Bucket List

I just noticed as I looked at the movie section of my Yahoo, (teasing myself really), the title of the movie caught my attention. Then the actors, very strong and exceptional in performances, then I read what it's about. I won't go into what it's about but the message.
I remember a time when I moved to be close to my children, with the help of my best sister-friend. a free airline ticket I won from work and a couple of suit cases (not even a job) I moved. Without the connection of those that helped, yes even my 1st ex and his wife, it would not have been possible. The connections with others are an exceptionally important part.
I got my own place and a job. I remember vividly talking to MJ one night as I sat on the floor in my very empty apartment, books scattered as I used the library often and she had told me it was the perfect time to make 'a list'. With all the emptiness was room for opportunity, and believe me there was a lot of room. Without reasoning for costs, affordability I wrote. How I wanted to furnish my apartment, things I wanted not just needed, including vacations like going to London and on a cruise.
Time went by, a year actually, when I was cleaning my apartment and came accross that list and laughed a little teary eyed as I saw I had everything and done everything I wanted. Having such a clean slate did prove there was room for opportunity. That was where I think I started 'living'. Not every step was happy go lucky, my friends and family can attest to that. The death of my child was and still is the darkest time that changed the sense of 'living' even further; sometimes challenging.
Through the agony of that dark time, it has created beauty. Appreciation of life, the short time we have. It is in our hands to do with what we want, be where we want and experience what we want. It's the memories we carry forth with us after all the material things we've gathered are gone that define the truth in us.
Tonight, someone or thing is shaking the snowglobe again covering the anticipated lunar eclipse. It's creating a world of white quiet wonder again. Despite being a little disappointed, I am comforted by the beauty in the blanket of white covering the outside world. Like money (the lack or abundance of)or the brief, and sometimes downright depressions; these will pass. 'This too shall pass' has been an affirmation I've said to myself ALOT...and it does, as the sun shines again so do the flowers bloom and so on.
So I chase after the rainbows, and absorb the memories the journey takes creating my 'list' as I go along. Right now it just happens to be in the Grand Canyon. One of the 7 wonders of the world, and it certainly is a wonder in all different lights. To paraphrase a well known commercial..."what's on your list?"

Elephants

Mike is often reminding me that to eat an elephant one takes one small bite at a time. Then he takes me in his arms as I decompress from work.
I'll be in my new job 7 weeks this week. I have moments of 'eurika' soon to be followed by 'am I over my head?' as yet another challenge comes to my face or I missed something. Accounting is not the place to miss anything.
Maybe I'm being too hard on myself, and I know there is 'growing pains' involved, but I do have doubts. (It's te 'growing pains' that feel like one is morphing into an unknown being that can be painful). Wondering.
I knew going in it would be a challenge; looking at contributing factors as lessons to assist in what I do 'outside' as a way to formulate structure. This is just the beginning as I start my list of applying these fundamentals to my 'art'. Dailies, weeklys, monthly's. Impatience knaws at me as I want to be done with 'lessons' (though we're never really done with those are we?), create the outline and move onward.

The world according to...

The headline news. At times it feels so remote we can look at it, shake our head and go tsk, tsk. Then go about our daily business and wonder how our lives can change. It is when something happens to someone we know or care about that shakes our reverie and seems to open the 'door' per se to include us in the 'world'.
No nothing has happened, as far as I know, to anyone I know or love. I had a call over the weekend from my friends celebrating two of their birthdays. Listening to their banter I was there with them in a sense thousands of miles away. It momentarily opened my 'door' to the world bringing a nostelgic feeling of our 'get away' weekends.
I'm starting to miss the 'outside' world in varying degrees. Don't get me wrong, I still love the Canyon and am thankful for the many blessings it's presence has bestowed to me. I've read further down in altitude the flowers are blooming in abundance. I look forward to that here. Maybe it's 'cabin fever', it just feels like something more.
Yesterday as I was walking from my work to Mike's work I was 'challenged' on the footpath by a small buck. We both stopped and eyed each other closely, his muscles tense as there was a group of does and a few other bucks nearby pausing to wait his decision. I smiled and said 'I seem to be on your footpath.'. Turned to walk down a small hill to give him room and avoided looking at his eyes to 'challenge' him, and stopped when I was a small distance to see their progress. It was then I noticed some tourist making their way to them the flashes on their point and shoots going off. I yelled "Please do not approach the animals." and sighed in relief when they walked the other way. It becomes frustrating watching the actions of others sometimes. Maybe a lot of people don't realize this is not a zoo, or Disney and have taken for granted the 'safety' those places and the towns and cities we live in provide. It's only going to get a lot worse as we get more people visiting. Once we're in full swing with tourist I'm sure I'll look back on this 'quiet' time with nostelgia.
It is usually during a 'quiet' time when we delve inside to take a mental stock and take into considerations our actions, reactions, and setting up new footpaths to follow. It is here where change in us occurs that affect our lives later. Action begins with a thought, so maybe it's time to start my list.

Who shook the snow globe?

Yesterday was a silvery day. The world, at least my world, was frosted with a sugar coating of white. The sun and sky, buffered by the weather, colored this world in a silvery grey. Though we 'know' the sun to be yellow, the color was absorbed to reflect a different light.

It snowed on and off in the early afternoon I commented to a co-worker about how pretty it was. "It's like living in a snow globe" was her reply. When the flakes grew fatter I asked her "Who shook the snow globe?" "I don't know," she replied, "but I'd sure like to slug em." I could only laugh as I imagined what we look like in our 'snowglobe'; and wonder at the multi dimensions of existance as though I gazed through MC Escher's eyes...

Ahhh..

The middle of another work week and it feels good to be home. The wind is really whipping today it blows in another front with great possibilities of snow. Remember I've stopped predicting this mico weather? But it soon shall pass after another dress up of the canyon and get near 60 for the weekend. Most of the foot paths have melted and I'm surprised at how little mud there is. I hope it helps the water tables.

Susan's home work place, Yavapai, will open soon. The restaurant manager is sick of hearing about 'the chicken'. If you get there early enough it's decent. But...it's a different fare of food then what is available at the other cafeteria choices (employee cafeteria and Maswik). I must be getting acclimatized as a few (very few) items are palatable. Scary. After about a year, Wendy's will be like a gormet meal. haha.

Tomorrow is Valentine's day. Last year I was growling about brides and their problems. This year I celebrate with my own valentine, Mike. Nothing really planned beside curling up next to each other and watching the snow. But it's the journey that creates the memories. Considering it's that time of the week, for accounting anyways, I may be home late yet again; but then maybe not. We'll see, as long as everything balances. (IT WILL). Went to the camera club last night. I only took about 7 pictures and got a nice compliment on my b/w; 'looks like Ansel Adams'. The tree that I purposely created patterns with the lights went over big. This last weekend it was beautiful out. We went to the Kolb studio for a tour and were lucky enough to get Stew Fritz. He's an older ranger, but played the part of one of the Kolb brothers very well. It would be nice to see the History Channel do a re-inactment, with him as the narrator. I've seen him perform the raven ranger talk, now Mike and I can't wait to catch his 'rim to rim with William Shakespear'. I'm sure that will be worthy of a blog all its own.

The days may pass, but I attempt to notice the blessings: a small bird pecking for food close to my feet, the smell of the pines in the breeze. Then of course there are the big blessings as the canyon dresses for display, or the vibrant oranges in the sunset setting a fire in the sky. It is amazing. Soon it's time to start down, into the canyon. One step at a time; to notice the many blessings it gives freely.

Icicles

One of the finest forms of chaos theory in its natural state.

Though it looks like the sun is rising behind it, it's not, this is facing West. It was taken early in the am, and the orange light reflecting off of the ice is from the light outside the building. The light in the back ground is the reflection of the sunrise into the West.

I yam, what I yam...

I yam tired! It's only Tuesday and I got more ot tonight finishing up and striving to keep on schedule. I'm learning, things are making sense, some still make me pause but it's all a learning process.


We had A LOT more snow over the weekend. It was beautiful walking from work last night in the snow, there was no wind. I called a yaya friend and she told me it was 80 degrees in Florida yesterday. It was nice to see the sun this morning, the snow is still deep and icicles flowing nearly touching the top of the snow on the ground. It's beautiful seeing such pristine white cover the ground, occasionally interrupted by animal tracks. There's a little bunny that hops around our window in the wee hours. The tracks were prominant this morning, caught a look at it the other day. It's so cute.

I am looking forward to spring. With all this snow, it should help the water tables and create an abundant spring. It'll be interesting to see what differences there are in the flowers and such. Not to mention getting home and it still be daylight, even if I do work overtime.

I am...

I am
The winter
The snow that glitters
The breath of frosty air
The quiet shooshing as the world is tucked in

I am
The fall
The brilliance of color in riotous abandonment
The crispness in the air
The gentle sleepy beauty as the world starts to slumber

I am
The summer
The heat of the sun absorbing into each pore
The laughter of children playing in the rain
The heartbeat eard in the crickets lullabye

I am
The spring
The scent of earth enhancing presence
The colors of varigations drawing out the senses
The world waking up in wonder and beauty.

I am