North Rim and Zion

Gayle asked on the spur of the moment last week if I'd like to get out of the park and go see the North Rim and Zion. Well, like any person who doesn't have many opportunities to get out I jumped at the chance. Once we made the preparations she asked Karen to come along too; so it turned into a girls weekend much like July 4th.

Stayed at a cabin at Jacob's lake, the North Rim is so different and smaller but higher in altitude so there are a lot of Aspen - my favorite trees.



After shopping - and they do have a great gift shop, we headed to Zion in Utah. I've never wanted to visit Utah, though I've heard time and again how beautiful it is. Traveling between towns is more and more desert; time and again I've questioned myself as to why am I in the desert? I know I chose it, was it subconciously to dry the tears? Or rediscover the basics of life and finding it in the most unlikely places such as the rich colored sands, the vastness of harsh beauty. The sand kept getting redder the further we traveled north. I wanted to scoop some up to take with me (which I did on the way home), because the color is so vibrant and rich; it's absolute pure minerals.

I drew a little in the back seat; some three second pictures in my little sketchbook, but soon picked up the camera and gave new meaning to 'drive by shooting'. I think I'm getting pretty darn good taking photos from a moving vehicle and I don't even have an IS (image stablizing) lens.



Utah is called the 'beehive' state; maybe because some of the rock formations look like bee hives. Frankly I thought they looked like a mixed swirled ice cream. But then I would.



It seemed like every turn was a new oasis of color and beauty. When we stopped for all of us to take a photo I got out of the car and had tears in my eyes for the magnificence of beauty.



Now we're further inside the park, we stopped at the Human Museum (and no I didn't go in there - there's too much outside for the limited time I had) and took the shuttle. It is one of the cleanest parks I have ever seen - and the town out side is calling my name to explore more. So put on some soothing music - something that touches deep inside and look at more:











We sat down in front of Zion Lodge at the bottom of the canyon and sniffed the air like doggies; we could smell the green in the grass. I wanted to be a dog at that moment and roll around in it. But it was refreshing to the eyes just to see the green.

The next day we went back after staying in a b&b. Parked at the same place and took the shuttle beyond the lodge to the last stop. Walked the mile river walk - that is where you see the hanging gardens, there's bogs with cat tails, and big red dragon flies. The Western Swallowtails fluttered above peoples heads; it was crowded but everyone was absorbing the beauty of it. Once we reached the end of the trail we went into the river; oh it felt so good! 60 degree water in 80 something heat - the sun was hot and boy did I want to load my back pack with the river rocks but knew better. That and the fact I was trying not to lose my footing - didn't want to get the camera wet. I would've gone further into the narrows, I still want to but the footing was not the greatest and I didn't have hiking poles.



Gayle continued on and went into the narrows eventually I will go there myself.

I was amazed and dazed at the natural colors; it felt like I was walking into a Thomas Cole painting from the late 1800's - Hudson Valley School of Art, I felt rather a little shamed how my camera couldn't do it justice, much less my art. Though I have enough fodder to try and try again.

It was almost disappointing to get back home though I was tired; it takes 5 hours to drive from there and we started out late because we didn't want to leave.

I can only imagine it in winter....

Wanderings

As I wander I like to take my camera with me - go figure - so I can catch something I want to identify.

This is I believe a Plain Titmouse; however I'm unsure I'll have to check with Gayle's library of Sibley books - those are GREAT sources.



9/6/09 - Update - this is actually a juniper titmouse

Yes this high desert environment blooms and it is beautiful. Here's what I think is a beautiful shot of the Prickley Poppy.

Poetry in bloom

The Lawn Boy

See how nicely he's taking care of the overgrown grass? Nice rack!

Unfortunately he looked up and noticed my bird feeder which he promptly tore off a rope I have Christmas lights hooked up to. (For some reason the elk LOVE bird food; I can't fathom it) I then proceeded to yell at him (as a mother does a child) so he decided he was done and sauntered off before finishing the job!



What nerve!

Ramblings from the week...

I make my bed in which I lie
Create the dreams of what's to be
The matrix assembles to my opening eyes
I breathe
I made my bed on which I lay
Live the dreams of what's to be
I am part of this world I chose for me
I breathe

Walking through footstpes
Those we started before
Finalizing us

Silence! Screams inside
As I fold onto myself
Reverberating

With uncertaintly
Reading through my ramblings
To see what I see

Thresholds of my soul
Passing through my memories
Sifting emotions

Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet. ~Roger Miller

We've had rain on and off for the past week; though the weather looks like it'll be nice next week. This stuffs the shuttle busses with bodies; along with the stores and restaurants. Thatll help on that front I'm sure; but it does make us locals choosy with regards to where we go and how.

For me the weather has given me opportunity to set up my new apartment the way I want to and dream about how I want to decorate it. Life is just too short to waste on worries as I ponder what I want to achieve and/or make in the next five years. What ever life brings I hope to meet it with joy and beauty

May, the month for changes

May was brought in with a gusty wind of change. Mike had left on the 1st; ushering a week of realignment with myself. Friday's full moon brought out the depth of mercury retro; with communication alignments going full charge.

I have been reminded again how much my family of friends mean to me; those at long distances and those close by.

I still very much like my job I do; I've got some areas I definately need improvment but I know deep in my heart that when I have them improved I will do well.

I believe things happen for reasons; sometime we don't understand them, other times it's quite obvious. Yesterday throughout the morning people were dropping coins. The first time it passed through my mind; after the second time I got the message: Change. Not just myself; but what I accept regarding personal behavior to me - those are the most obvious. The rest will surface in time.

Happy Mothers Day

To one and all.
Last year at this time we had snow. Thank goodness the sun is shining and it's beautiful; expected to be near 80. What a relief.

Happy April

Here it is April already; the day before my eldest sisters birthday; HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIS! I hope it's a really good one for you. Got plans?

The park is getting busier; we had a power outage on Friday for about 3 hours. I think everyone in my office went home and took a nap. A few of us wandered in on Saturday to finish up what wasn't done. The office was nice and quiet. Walked to work in a little snow; it was pretty. Boy am I looking forward to warmer weather.

One week ago last Wednesday I got a new do. The ponytail has been saved to send to Locks for Love; but a whole lot more came off.

This is before:


This is after


I like it, and so does Mike.

An observation of human nature or action?

While Mike was getting gas yesterday I was gazing out the window people watching. At one pump I noticed a Cadillac SUV and the pump behind it a Japanese couple pulled up in a rental car. It has been my experience here with anyone in a Cadillac SUV, so far anyways, they tend to 'ignore' anyone, even be rude by cutting off or blocking entrances/exits. (This on was no exception to the latter, but thank goodness I've not had to see this on the road only at gas stations). I watched Mike go in, and a nice older gentleman held the door for him as he noticed him approach; he then walked to the SUV and I smiled inside thinking "hmm, maybe this one will change that image I have" but he climbed in the back seat. When the driver came out, the Japanese man followed him to his car, he glanced at the couple behind him causing me to glance too. They were confused as to how to work the gas pump; not surprising to me. So the SUV driver opened his trunk put in his case of drink and got in the car and left. That surprised me. Even the couple looked surprised; so I rolled my window down and asked if they needed help. They did so I did.
I was a bit disappointed in the lack of actions or should I say the lack of courtesy. I suppose the way the car blocked the way around the pump should have tipped me off; and for some reason I feel or sense the elder man who sat in the back noticed as they drove off.

Mike's words

Brought to him in a dream:

It's not where you
start from today
But rather where you
Finish tomorrow.

Don't think I could've said it better.

As the world turns..'s

As most of you know I no longer have a cell phone; those who want my home number read your emails; it there for YOU to stay in touch should YOU want to.

It's scary reading about all the problems in the 'outside' world, yes it's affecting us here; but not as much I think as a lot of people in my old hometowns. Yet I'm just a bit thrilled to see people re-creating themselves into thriving, caring humans. It's a bit like people waking up after a numbness of watching television for waaayyyy too long.

I've been feeling restless; wanting to move onward. I know I have to wait a while; and learn more but I look forward to moving FORWARD.

Days gone by...

The past two weekends have moved in a blurr with the weekdays used as 'catch up' in taking in a breath.

It was great to have Dwight and Terry here for too short a time. I had to laugh when she looked at me rather seriously and said "Your crows here are as big as chickens!" Ahhh, the raven's; aka, the seagulls of the west. Hell this used to be an ocean; there's proof on the edge of the rim with the fossilized marine life, so I think the sea gulls just got overly burnt by the sun and became ravens. Ate out, walked a lot, drove a lot. Boy their rental car was so big, I think we could've drove our little car into it and still had room for a driver and a passenger. She offered to let me go where I wanted...tempting but I would've come back with more then what my apartment could hold. So I took her to see the wonder and the extraordinary canyon.

This weekend Mike and I used the gift certificate I won at the managers party to stay at the Radisson in Flag. As they had a sleep number bed we found our number, went to dinner at Red Lobster; which I can't remember the last time that was. MJ do you remember? Anyways it was heaven eating lobster tails. Today we leisurely grocery shopped and we're so relaxed; it was nice for a change as we usually leave early in the morning and get back for a late lunch tired and grumpy. I went to do my laundy but lo and behold the door was bolted and locked with a note "Closed until further notice". Grumbling and adding it to my list, after all like MANY things, laundry facilities are NOT abundant here, I think next week I'll take a mule down to the river and pound out my frustrations on my laundry by the river.

Happy Valentine's Day

A marked day for lovers, but also a marked day to reflect on those we love and love us in return. A friend quipped to me February is single awareness month, with Valentine's Day being single awareness day. She had a great idea of having a dinner for all of her single friends, but hiked down to Phantom instead. But it bore a new idea into my brain for next year of having a dinner party where ever I may be with our friends; single or not; to show how singly aware we are of our love for each other. Granted there will be friends that won't be present in physicality, but in spirit I accept that and honor it. Time to get dressed as the coffee is almost done and treat my sweetie to breakfast at El Tovar

Karma and Big Tobacco

Headline: Jury; Florida smoker died because of addiction.

So his widow is going to court to get millions of dollars to 'ease her grief' as her husband didn't know or understand the depth of the dangers of cigarette smoking. Bull****. Did they also sign up for one of those famcy dangerous mortgages that had a 25% balloon on the loan that came due? Where is the common sense? If we were in the 50's 60's or even as late as the 70's I'd agree, it's a new millennium folks and a lot of progress was supposedly made throughout the last one

No I'm not 'rooting' for Big Tobacco; however there is a huge waste with the large money in fines they don't seem to know what to do with. Hmmm, let see, maybe set up funds for those with medical bills who can't afford them to help pay them; consider giving away the VERY expensive patches, gums, and addiction breaking medicines that are there instead of offering discounts; how about funding research into curing cancers? Sure all the 'advertising' is helping some in the job market, but not enough.

I'm baaaacccckkkk

Winter sings in the whiping wind





It's the first time I've seen this much snow on Plateau Point. Beautiful isn't it?

So much for more bars...

Or was it just an excuse? My cell phone company (which will remain nameless - because any kind of publicity is well publicity) has decided they no longer want me as a customer. I've met people with the same company that chose their number in Flagstaff. Yet I get a letter telling me that since I am 'off network' my choices are to shut off my phone or get another carrier I am being released from my contract. Hmm, 5 years, and I thought I was a pretty good customer. Is it because I moved to the canyon? My notion was to be here a year or two and then who knows. I've been here one year as of August.

Well considering how remote this place is I can understand, but only to a point. In my way of thinking customer service would resemble something like; contact me; let me know they can't hold my Florida phone number for more then whatever time period they would allow. Rather then lose a good customer offer to change the number for me and put a recording for a certain time period that my number had changed. Not only am I not happy, I'm downright steaming. Not boiling yet; they aren't worth it.

So much for more bars anywhere....

6 more weeks of winter??

Could've fooled me as we here at the Canyon are in the 50's during the day. I was surprised to see it in the 30's this morning; usually it's in the teens. Being at such a high altitude (7000 feet above sea level) the variation between night and day can be as much as a 40 degree difference.

I still miss the snow, but I suppose (insert heavy sigh) that it's soon time for spring. The mule deer are becoming more frequent in our back 'yard' looking for fresh shoots, we put up a bird feeder and the multitude of little birds don't look all that hungry though you'd wonder they way they fight over the perches. I'll know spring is close when I start to see the Stellar and Scrub Jays; they're so pretty as are the cute little chickadees. There's a lot of beauty here; of course the Grand Canyon is one of the 7 natural wonders of the world so being outside here one breathes deeper. Not only because of the altitude but the spirit one feels here.

I'm glad on one front that winter will soon close; on the human front. It's a time where there's not enough for people to do so they tend to become malicious in talk and action. The Grand Canyon Free Press becomes worse then the New York Times, so soon (hopefully) everyone will be too busy to start a new byline. I will say this for this place; it would make one helluva reality show, that's for sure.

Creative stirrings...

Watching a screen view of art - modern - the canyon's way of visiting a museum - I noticed my eyes relaxed. When I look at pieces of realism, and older pieces they tense as do I.

I want to absorb how they're created...why? Is it because they sell? But do they?
Dare I attempt the 'native dancers' to abstract? Is it opening another dimension? Should I study abstract drawings or will that create tension?

I remember my art instructor in college, at the end/beginning of a project we would watch slides for 2 minutes for inspiration. Once we got the project our table of peeps would 'brainstorm' over the project, shooting questions to one another, answering and throwing ideas into the canvas of the mind creating images. '

Is this what is missing? The inspiration jam.

Not easy to find here.

Decorations all hung (by the chimny) with care

See even more jingles...

It's a marshmallow world in the winter....

Lines from Christmas songs run through my head as I go through the pictures I've taken over the last couple of days. We had a winter 'storm' come through, though the flakes were not big, the main part of the 'storm' went around us. We had what I refer to as lake affect snow; which of course any lakes or water for that matter is a mile straight down it wasn't, it did have the same affect. Beauty.

This is where I work, at the GO building.

This is the road going away from the 'village' towards the Shrine of Ages, Market Plaza and such.
I know Susan is not missing this as it's been cold, but I wouldn't miss this show.

My heart is awed by the greatness in the beauty that surrounds me.

Merry Christmas...MC Escherish

There and back again

Today I hiked with Jill and Jen to mile and a half house. Needless to say it's one and a half miles into the canyon. It was amazing to look up to the walls, smelling the crisp clean air. It takes me longer to walk down the trail as the slopes tweak my knees a bit; ace bandage or not, so they put me in the lead. Made it there in 1 hour and 15 minutes. But coming back up I was again in lead, and kept moving. It felt good to hear them huffing and puffing as much as I was...trust me I moved slow; though all of us were pleasantly surprised we made it up in and hour and a half. It was exhilarating. I was buzzing for over an hour.
Surprisingly just over 8 hours later, thanks to an 800 mg ibuprophen, even my knee doesn't hurt. Pictures to come later.

Black Friday

Well here it is the day after the big turkey. Normally I'd be decorating, but they won't have trees here until the 10th and I'm not about to attempt to go anywhere near a 'township' to get one. I'll wait until next weekend. In the mean while, the Christmas cards are out! (I addressed them while the turkey was cooking and we were cursing our oven).

Our lovely oven decided to go wierd on us; since we've moved in here it hasn't worked right but we thought we'd outsmart it by getting an oven thermometer and work with it. That worked until yesterday, when Mike put the turkey in and checked it 20 minutes later it was at 420, he turned it down, checked it, it went down to 200, and so on. The turkey was done in 3 hours when we planned on 6.

Everything still turned out great, had our 'family' of friends over; they brought the sides and we all had a good time. It snowed on and off throughout the day, then melted overnight.

I hope everyone enjoys the great open doorway to the Christmas season.

HappyThanksgiving

It's still early here, nearly 6am. We have a light dusting of snow so far...

Shells

When I first came to St. Augustine and started playing on the vast beach there I picked up a lot of shells. I miss walking with T talking or just walking in companionable silence. She told me 'when you bend down to pick up a shell, don't leave it there, pick it up anyways; even if it's not something you thought it was'.

I thought of that statement yesterday when I was walking on a trail through the trees back to work; there was some pretty amazing rocks; some I picked up some I just walked past. But those I picked up my imagination saw some beauty. One is small and dark as an inky night sky; there's a few white dots resembling stars with one 'scratch' making it look like a falling star.

I am still amazed at the colors, fragments of fossils from life so long ago, and shapes of the rocks I walk on and by. I imagine the many lifetimes they've gone through, the pressures put upon them to create them as a whole. Yeah, I hear my siblings; 'only you can see things totally different', however the lesson I take to heart; I sense the 'pressure' comes and goes with the ebb and flow of the tide, they pass; we create the 'colors', the visions people see from us, and leave our mark in the only way we as individuals do.

Life in the Canyon

I know, I know, I hear the echo in almost every phone call I get from my family of friends. 'You haven't blogged.' Usually I get an email or two regarding that, but life has everyone a bit busy, and the economy has everyone just a bit worried. I had said I would use it for creative purposes, however, my creativity has been utilized in my environment as you'll soon read. We had our first snow on November 10th. It was beautiful, especially since we were snug in the apartment and I have been going through as MJ put, a 'nesting' stage. Purchasing new curtains (got a great deal), found a beginners acoustic guitar for a great price, it now hangs on my wall; and planning for the holidays. Mike's at home working, doing web programming, so he's been doing the cooking, he's pretty darned good, so I guess that leaves the environment for my homebodiness. (hey that's a new word that's not even in dictionary.com)



I'm looking forward to getting a tree and decorating it. So much that I've entered a 'contest' with a friend regarding our decorating our trees. Yes a picture will be put on the ole blogger. I have to laugh as I remember last Christmas here with Susan; we went to the dollar store, I bought a 12 inch metal tree with bells on it, brought it home, set it on the table and said "trees up!" This year I've already purchased some decor for home and tree, the rest is all around me in its natural state. I'm waiting on the general store to provide the tree. I have some music; Bette Midler, Manaheim Steamroller, but now feel the need to get more.

Now for baking. I've an idea I think will make a great dunk. Cookies! Well that's not original, I know, but maybe a tin with 3 different kind of chocolate chip cookies; the regular, my famous 'damed good chocolate chocolate chip with cinnamon', and peanut butter chcocolate chip. Not the kind with a kiss in it, but with chocolate chips in them. There are moments I like to think outside the proverbial canyon, just moments mind you. Of course I have to say 'canyon' instead of box, well, sometimes you just have to fit the sayings to your environment; 'as the crow flies' is now 'as the raven flies', etc.

I do enjoy my new job here. The people I work with are an absolute great bunch of people. It's exciting to show off what we offer to new people visiting the canyon, not to mention meeting such a variety of people. It's like HR only better. Oops, they better not read that part as I do miss the fun there; but I think I've found the right crevice to be in. Crevice, ha-ha, get it? One of my old boss' came through the office last month and took a double take and said "everytime I see you, you're in a different place." I take that as a compliment for both of the meanings; literally and figuratively.

So there you are my dears, the update. Happier now? Good.

Tweeners

"Another term to describe the demographic of kids ages 9-12, also known as "tweens" '

This is the general meaning to the term tweeners. I'm adding one more...'of those who find in general where it may apply in life's terms; either socially or personally, of falling in between the cracks.' I guess I'm in the perfect place for that...

The company I work for has decided to purchase a different health plan. It is EXPENSIVE, not only as a deduction from the check for the premium but the copay as well has doubled. Luckily I work in a part that pays better, if I had my old job, it would definately eat half of my paycheck.

I have no little children here to raise, I'm not in my child bearing years, where I am at has a clinic that can take care of most emergencies. Otherwise one would have to go to Flagstaff, one and a half hour from here - with or with out insurance that is a very expensive ride.

Rather then participating I'm debating the logic of putting what would be the premium into my savings as a direct deposit from my check. That way I would also keep the interest earned on my moneys.

Which brings me to another annoying topic. Banks. There are several people I know that can only get a checking account because of bad credit. Well after this year, I'm sure there'll be an abundance. What I find illogical is they cannot get a savings account. Maybe my logic is screwed, but wouldn't it be more prudent to have a savings account rather then a checking account? To me the message given is 'we want you to spend all of your money, if you go over then that's pure profit for us.' Which is, I'm sure, the reasoning; however, as the economy changes so must our 'message'.

Going Hiking?

I was asked as I left work already changed into 3 light layers for the top, one for pants, shoes, hiking pole, hat and backpack with items.

"No I think I'll go shopping." I replied shashaying around.

Then I met Carissa on the trail head and we started meandering down after visiting with Valerie for a little while. Went past the first tunnel, got half way to the second when I inclined for us to head back up. I was hesitant on going that far (which isn't far at all) because of the steep climb back; when Carissa showed me a tool that will be invaluable for the rest of my life. Pace. Slow as it was it was constant, almost to a stop at some point, but not. The body kept propelling upward, momentum forward, slow; but even.

I'm not dreading the next trip down; as I know how I'll handle the long, steep trail up; a slow continuous pace.

Lunch

Requiring spontaneity. Lighting that summoning cigarette as I wait for the bus. It comes, as these words flow through my head; my day. Cause and reason unwound by chaos. Seasons echo within the flowing moods as clouds roll in and by. I hope it doesn't rain till after I'm home; but stick around 5 minutes that'll change.

Why is it everything seems uphill?

I wish I had a small sketchbook instead of listening to a co worker argue with an intended mate at a table near by while I await my lunch. Wow! The baggage she carries. She had this very paniked look in her eyes as we were introduced as they started leaving. So much read in those looks and words unsaid.

Now the corner is unbostructed from bodies sitting as my waiter walks by; still with no soup. Movement only stirs between the bus girl clearing and my pen in our little corner of the restaurant. A cloud grows outside of the window facing the Canyon; the ruffled edgeds colored in blue.

Ahh, alas the soup. French Onion. "Where are the onions?" I ask my spoon as it stirs the bottom of very nearly broth; searching. Shaking my head I release all words but one; eat.

Conditioning

Yesterday Sarah and I walked down the Bright Angel Trail. The origional goal was the mile and a half house until my knee let me know it didn't want to go that far so we went to the second tunnel.



Can you see the face etched in the rock? It is a hell-uv-a downward slope but goes fast...on the way down. Coming back up on the other hand is quite another story.



Which whether standing next to or within the canyon I feel about as big as this guy sunning on a rock.

Today we took the rim path to an unmaintained trail that leads to a cave overlooking the canyon. Looking down at the path I hesitated considerably, but with the urging of Sarah I went and was glad I did.

Contemplation cave

Contemplations cave
Destinys journey
Of fear and freedom




** note to CrypticFragments, looked at your profile, I remember you! You were here when my sis and I first came. Wow, small world. The cave is just off the rim trail about 1/4 mile from Hopi house. Small trail one barely discerns it's there; but I was told about it. Now the secret is out.

Decisions

The seeds are starting in the depth of my mind as new pathways open; new opportunities, reinventing yet again...existance in exquisiteness. I'm entering a new profession; no, enhancing the known into expansion. Slowly creativity flows. I will write more creatively on this site as I start to expand my horizons, both personally and professionally. Humbly I packed my backpack with necessary items for a small trek down into the canyon tomorrow night as a small group of us will start preparing for our journey (I hope, it hasn't been approved at work yet) down to Phantom Ranch in December for 2 nights. As the sage says...a journey begins with a single step.

On the way home

Ahh, the silence refreshed

After the gaggle of girls disembark before me

Lending an opening for the crickets to sing

Their night song

In the bright moonlight

Shimmering blue

Lighting my path…home.

September

On the 1st was the Family Fun Day at the Grand Canyon Rec Center. It was great. No pics, because this is a public blog and I don't have permission from those in it. I still wonder where all the kids hide...

Mike is back, living and working in Tusuyan. We're talking and building and learning.

I got a promotion. Next Thursday on 9/11 I start in sales. Auspicious? We shall see.

Not much planned for this month, reading The Portrait of Dorian Grey. Pretty interesting. Read the Handmaid's Tale, was depressed for several hours after; but recognized the timelessness in it.

Enjoy the dance of life

Here it is Mada's day of renewal 5 years ago, into what is unknown to us and what would've been her 20th year. I smile as I feel the waves, and the tears fall, my hands shake as my center rotates yet another round; then it passes. Like all things.

I still make plans with those I have come to be close to here in the canyon: hiking to phantom ranch for Thanksgiving, watching the sunrise from the porch of the El Tovar with a cup of their really good hot chocolate on Christmas morning as there is a holy sanctuary outside 'my back door'.

Is it just my pride?

Gone are the 'hopes', as they are in the same category as 'try'. Rather then 'try', I will do, rather then 'hope', I will plan.

Dreams are not illusions based upon hope, they are becoming goals. As the structure falls a new foundation is bourne into the reality of what I am and am about to become...

Moments before...

Moments before I wake up
I still feel you touch me
As you had not so very long ago
My body remembers
As it aches to confirm you
As it had what seemed just moments before.

Once my eyes open
Reality surrounds me
Your absence so stark and sure
Conciousness defends me
As I step through the pieces
Of the broken glass shattered on the floor

What were you thinking
As your anger drove you beyond me
When you walked out slaming the door
Does your body remember
How it once touched me
In what seems like only moments before

Being there

The phone started ringing Saturday morning; even though I slept in till 8. Wow, but then again I was up till 2, much like I am tonight. Had an absolutely georgous storm here last night. (There was a tornado warning in a little town called Park). Went to Sarah's and had dinner, listened to music and had a good time with those that came over.

My dear friend Glen came over and asked me if I wanted to go to Flag with him. I really didn't expect to leave the canyon for a while, so I jumped at the chance since the planned get away went away... Did some shopping and then went to see a movie. It's the first movie theatre I've been in since I left Florida (I don't count the IMAX since it's a film of the canyon and there's no choice). He pacified me by taking me to see Mama Mia. We laughed so hard. To me it felt like watching MJ, Terry and I together; hey we do tend to get people dancing when we're together. It certainly gave me a TOTALLY new appreciation of Abba. We both want to see it again, but it is a long drive back to the canyon.

It rained the whole day; making it rather chilly tonight; but I'm ever so thankful for the friends I have both in Florida and here. They are a tremendous support system; hugging me when I tear up, cursing with me when I get angry, encouraging me...and being there.

Picking up...pieces

I'm still surprised when some people come up to me and ask "So, where's Mike? Haven't seen him." They question my answer: "gone" and look at me for answers only he can tell. Shock and denial are the first reaction, that was mine too. Eventually 'this too shall pass', as will the anger, betrayal, and hurt. Went to dinner at the BA bar last night with Sharon and smiled with reminiscence as I remembered the winter time I worked at the front desk and the good memories we did share. More will come and go I know and I'll love them the way I did then; just with a wisp of sentiment.

It's nice to be able to smile again.

Mantle of mourning

Weighed heavy through to this afternoon. I've missed a lot of things we shared intimately and not, even the way his breathing evened out when he slept. So I embrace it and ignore the haunting questions that only hurt myself more; knowing deep down I will be something so much more beyond this.

Learning from this the mantra question I am allowing myself is: 'how do I let the betrayal go without it closing me off from the rich encounters of humanity, including the many faces of love?' With this as the devine internal question I open my eyes and self.

Sometimes the grief feels mixed as my mind slips over to my daugther, it is there I find the real truth and reality of knowing and not all at once. For as much as he had changed my life, she changed my world and existance and that is where the new creation begins.

The Journey

August 8th: Been in a funk, but the light rain felt good as is the comfort of the fresh smells of the forests.

Tonight I thought of a dream I had when the possiblity appeared of us moving to Colorado. In it I approached Mike in the sidewalk, carrying something in my hands, but feeling torn inside. I was crushed emotionally in the way he swaggered up to me - his arm around a very young blonde girl. I remember seeing him in a long rain coat even thought the sun was shining. He said something sarcastic and turned away with his arm still around her and all I could think of was 'he's going to the wrong side of town, it's much nicer over here.' Silly as some dreams go but the thought of it lit another thought or question; was that the beginning of the end? More then likely.

After he left I was okay, I could see the magnitude for which it was; no big deal. I was still whole and had my faith in convictions. Until I found out the monies in his work bank were taken. It was a kick in the gut; stunned I questioned myself as to why I didn't feel this way about the monies I had given him to put into savings for 'us', or the car. It was realized after much gainful conversations with MJ, in regards to my faith of him having a shred of integrity; it had become the very last straw of betrayal.

I am ever so grateful I did not have a chain to put on my finger to bind me in a chokehold.

Should the dream, ever in it's own inkling, come true; I would not approach him with a gift of my tears; but a truth to show his lack of existance in which he has become.

Nancy will be back..

Her internet should be back by the weekend. She is doing good. The same ups and downs we all have when someone we love betrays us. Call her when you can.. and I bet she would even enjoy some snailmail! (posting by proxy..MJ)

What Mari-jane has to say..

I am posting in place of Nancy today. She has been forced into internet hiatus by the money stealing, modem stealing, heart stealing SOB, MIke.. who she was engaged to both in status and soul. Regardless of his reasons.. which Nancy has tried to deduce on her own since he left her no clue.. he was a cowardly, spineless, Pussy.. do not pardon my french, when he packed up and left in less than a day,while she was at work.. He left with the car,(in his name, but paid for by her $450), their $1200 in savings.. $800 contributed by her. He took the computer modem which leaves her with no phone & no internet. He left the computer which she paid $1000 of and he paid $500. He took the cell phone which was in her name, along with the bill, but hopefully he didn't charge much before I had her deactivate it.
You see Mike, I don't care what you say or think about me. You have no value in my life. Nancy does.. you dispespected her and used your dishonesty to hurt her.. 2 things I don't tolerate. So Karma may bite my ass.. but it will chow down on you first!

Happy(?) August

It is the first of the 8th month in the year. Not a celebrated month; but we'll do the best we can. On Wiki I found this:

In Celtic mythology, the Lughnasadh festival is said to have been begun by the god Lugh, as a funeral feast and games commemorating his foster-mother, Tailtiu, who died of exhaustion after clearing the plains of Ireland for agriculture

So even in mythology the legend starts the month off with grief and reform. Much like we do in today's environment. Of course, since this is the month of Mada's long jouney away; I think of her in snippits of memories. I've found I've been thinking of her the past several weeks. Is this a milestone to pass? The re-emergance of grief feels and tastes different. Is it being in a different environment giving it that quality? Or is it because it's been 5 years (already), that it's a different quality of healing?

Time will tell.

That's what weekends are for....

I took off yesterday, just because ...I can. Even though it was 'without' pay, it was nice. Mike and I went to the morning classes by Canon. You know the guys that made my 'hobby' camera? Well, they had toys. Rather then get drool all over the 40D, I used the wide angle lens, to learn more of my own. It's one I've been wanting to get. Of course everyone else was using the drool over models with the longer lenses to get close up shots. I'm not impressed with the wide angle, and am glad I have not put out the money to get one. Mike used the new point and shoot G9, it's really nice and a really good point and shoot. He got some good shots, but when going to it's full telephoto limit the picture tends to pixilate and they aren't that good. One can get good pictures with the telephoto, but don't take it to it's limit; you couldn't make a poster out of it. Still learned a bit that is helpful. Tomorrow we plan on going and I'm going to use an image stabilizer lens.

While there we saw a couple of century plants. They are spiky cactus' that go about just above the knee, and once every 100 years send a shoot out of the center that grows taller then a person and blooms. That is why they're called century plants. One was in the middle of a rocky outpost at Mather Point, the other was in the woods several yards off the paved path. The one in the woods amazed me; it was HUGE. Tomorrow I plan on picturing both. Who knows maybe that lavander dragon fly will be back there too.

Musings

The hazy distance
In the high desert
Mountains in shadows


In the hazy distance
Shadows talk
Whispers
Heard in the breeze
Overheard
By the clouds
Passing by

On the unmarked trail
The pathway littered
Opportunities

More Olympic Pictures

Thank you Sunny for the pics.

Olympics...company style

Today we had the Olympics at the rec center. Turned out to be a lot more fun then I ever expected. (All other 'corporate' team building events, have been, lets say, tense).

Of course Mike and I were on different teams; he was on the transportation team, and I was on the hr team. Both of us reluctantly signed up for one event, he ended up doing 3.



That is him in the blue t-shirt. I like his new SueDoo. (She works in hr and cuts hair really well).



While Mike won 3 silver medals, (that matches his hair), I won one bronze (which matches mine). His team overall won the silver, ours won the bronze. It was pretty amazing how well maintenance did, they took away a lot and won the gold. Accounting got the turkey award. Funny.



What a sport?!!

More Arizona Exposure

Look who walked by our house for dinner last weekend? The 'boys'.




Pretty big aren't they?



A couple ate off the doorstep, about 5 feet away.



Gotta....reach...that....itch....ahhh.

Singing the theme song from Northern Exposure yet?

Happy Birthday Michael

I came to the Canyon to start a new life; looks like you found me.

Love ya

Happy July

It's hot here, up in the 90's during the day. No there will not be fireworks over the canyon. As pretty as that would be it would also spell disaster as it is WAY too easy to spark a fire.

We were thinking about going out of town since we both have a three day weekend, however, just the thought of traffic outside the park (much less inside) pretty much nixed that idea. So we'll stay at home and enjoy ourselves here.

In the meanwhile a lot is in bloom. There has been so much green I'm really surprised. But here is a taste of what you're missing:

It's a dry heat...

Yeah, well it's still hot! Here it is 7:30, the sun is setting and we have relief. We're at the point of having 40-50 degree differences between night and day and boy do we look forward to it. So between yesterday and today, Mike and I haven't done much; at least until we felt like stirring in the later afternoon/evening.

I did take advantage of the long lull in the wait for the breath of fresh air this afternoon and completed a drawing! Whoo hoo, another step. So here it is folks, 'Fancy Dancer':

Ahhh the weekend

Friday night, the crazy work week, which went smoothly, is at an end. It's summertime and the movement of events are so slow it's easy to miss any evolution though it happens even if we don't see it.

Music, the sounds that soothe the savage beaste within are reflecting upon the walls as Ramone (a co-worker friend) came over for dinner after jamming with Mike at the rec center.

It's now Saturday morning, breakfast is done, the dishes are waiting. It was nice to have a person over for dinner and music. Though I look forward to our visit with our psuedo daughter Sarah. She just got back from Lousiana visiting her family. I look forward to catching up.

Summertime...

Summer Solstice came by yesterday, showing off her glittery warmth in the yellow heat of the sun. It's been in the 90's here during the day; very hot but almost no humidity. It's kinda wierd having static electricity during the summer. Some of the cactai are blooming beautiful yellow flowers up by the rim and around the park. Took some pictures on my way home from work I'll have to post later when I download them. Though I don't care for the heat I love how cool it gets at night; in the 50's or 60's.

Mike and I went to Granview Point the other night, with a little 'bucket' of chicken from Yavapai and Mad Housewife wine to watch the full moon rise. Big and orange, the craters resembling a face. It was nice. While waiting for the moon to rise I was caught unawares in the moment of a breeze the feeling of "wow" as I took pictures of the sunset through leaves. It was so quick I even wondered if I even felt it. I could hear music in my head as I took the pictures of the leaves. So maybe I'll make a video of my photos with music of my own. Prayers and thoughts of healing known and unknown were sent with each breath as this week held many of both (prayers and thoughts).

It was with much relief and happiness to have Sue come back to work. Boy we sure did miss her. The team at hr is great, helping each other out with each task that needs to be completed. I joke to Deb about her beautiful little red haired blue eyed girl Mercy as our mascot. She's so cute. And it's funny how we become like 'mama hens' to the kids that come in.

Mike and I went to the AZ room for dinner last night and he was so sweet when a couple of girls started asking 'hr' questions. It was funny cause I just interviewed and tested for the next step up into a new position yesterday afternoon. Oh yea, the food was good. Though we'll still recommend the BA and ET restaurants over the AZ room.

Tomorrow Mike's dad and his girlfriend are coming to the canyon to visit. Looking forward to seeing them again. We're taking a train ride, as they now have 90 minute rides to Coconino Canyon and back on the old fashioned train.

Happy Papa Day

For all of us; both mothers and fathers who are and have been both.

In 1966, President Lyndon Johnson made Father's Day a holiday to be celebrated on the third Sunday of June. The holiday was not officially recognized until 1972, during the presidency of Richard Nixon.

It's been celebrated since 1908. But like mother's day it's a time to celebrate a parent or both as there are times whether together or seperate we have to be both.

Rhetoric

Saw this article on Drudgereport, and in the first paragraph I had to post this. Take your pick on what Mr. Bush's rhetoric means. After all there were millions who willingly 'bought' into the war on Iraq, I applaud those who stood up to oppose it; however it wasn't a 'vote' for the public only our 'representatives' to choose. Frankly his rhetoric worked very well, and I personally wouldn't trust his way to leave "his successor a legacy of international diplomacy for tackling Iran."


http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/article4107327.ece
Audio Help (rět'ər-ĭk) Pronunciation Key n.
The art or study of using language effectively and persuasively.
A treatise or book discussing this art.
A style of speaking or writing, especially the language of a particular subject: fiery political rhetoric.
Language that is elaborate, pretentious, insincere, or intellectually vacuous: His offers of compromise were mere rhetoric.
Skill in using language effectively and persuasively.
A style of speaking or writing, especially the language of a particular subject: fiery political rhetoric.
Language that is elaborate, pretentious, insincere, or intellectually vacuous: His offers of compromise were mere rhetoric.
Verbal communication; discourse.

American Psychological Association (APA):
rhetoric. (n.d.). The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Retrieved June 10, 2008, from Dictionary.com website:
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/rhetoric

In the end it's all rhetoric

Wondering

On my walk home tonight the breeze blew a thought into my head. As frustrated as I am with the antiquated systems in place where I work (at all places I've worked at since I got here), I wonder. If I worked in a place that had modern systems; I don't just mean machines but ways of doing things too, would I be up to par? As I ponder, I ask would they then turn into 'it's just the way it's always been done' kind of management system? Am I that way, or would I become that way?

Change is constant and necessary; not just for growth personally but otherwise as well. Maybe it's the retro Mercury; as that tends to focus on communications, and all that involves (that's a very big picture). This has been building for some time, though once again I wonder, should I just compromise and accept the status quo? It seems to work for thousands of people why doesn't it work for me?

Just wondering.

Time passes by...

The days tend to slide from one moment to another as we continue throughout the week. It's been a VERY busy week this last week with a lot of kids checking in; most are from Ecuador, others are from Bulgaria and a few scattering from China. Nice kids. One from Singapore came back and when I pronounced his name he told me I was the first person here who pronounced it correctly and thanked me. That made my day. I'm learning how the different countries have unique pronunciations of our vowels and consenants, it's intriguing. The Ecuadorian's speak a Spanish that is very close to Italian; I know, I know they have a base structure of Latin. The one guy from France I felt sorry for. Considering the state of the dollar it must be like working for a 3rd world country; and then coming to such a remote place sometimes (not always) it feels like we're back in the 50's. Oh that's right we've upgraded to the 70's; at least part of the village.

They've started a bus to Tusayan, a small hamlet just outside the park. Great place, well the only place, to get a decent pizza along with a few other things. Then the train is starting a new tour twice a day to a different canyon (the name will be updated soon), at 5pm and at 7pm. It helps to have Mike at the trans desk to learn of these things (among other things but those are too private to mention here - tee hee). We plan on taking the trip.

Learned there's a new Canon point and shoot that's 12mp. It has great capabilities, and magazines and such only take pictures that are shot with a 10 or more megapixels. So all those wonderful shots I have are just 'hobby' pictures. Disappointing, but I'll keep taking pictures. Speaking of pictures, the pen and ink picture has been sent to the Paints America contest; it's below. Personally I don't think it'll be in the final pick of 100, however, entering it is the step necessary at this point. Time to get some (much) larger pieces of watercolor paper to start on next years entry; and yes I have an idea in mind. It's intimidating, but I've got lots of 'hobby' pictures to use as a base.

The sad news this week: Mike's grandmother passed away Monday evening. He got home Monday night, it was a very long 4 days without him; sleeping was difficult. But I am very glad he got to go see her and his grandfather and the extended family. His grandparents were about to celebrate their 74th wedding anniversary. How bout that??!! He kept teasing me with visuals; like there was so much moisture in the air his skin became a sponge, there was lush green and flowers around and didn't dare go into a 'real' grocery store for fear of wanting to send A LOT of stuff home. Then my brother called to let me know Williemae (his girlfriend) has about a week to live. The cancer is spreading horribly fast; he's been with her for a couple of years and my heart breaks for him. He's provided her with a lot of things she didn't have and loved her tenderly. The doctors say the cancer isn't painfull so she'll just go to sleep one day and not wake up; there is a blessing in that as we all know it's difficult to see a loved one in pain at anytime.

Well that's the week in review. May next week be filling with loving memory making moments that will bring a smile to your face.

Happy June

Summer solstice arrives within a handfull of weeks; calling to celebrate the apex of a new season. Ancient or new celebrations of the sun happen daily. From wandering outside absorbing the heat from the rays; worshiping with our bodies as some lie prone exposing skin to the suns mercy. Of course there are those who like me look like something came out of an easy bake oven half done as my arms and face are red while the legs still pale. I'm beginning to think they reflect rather then absorb light.

Yesterday I enjoyed the afternoon with Sara and Paula taking hundreds of photos of the Hopi dancers. Mostly for drawing purposes I did play with a few. Here's what I came out with.

It's the middle of the camel's back day...

Monday I had off, Mike didn't. So while he was earning the pay to keep us the way we've become accustomed (we're working on earning the way we'd LIKE to be accustomed), I enjoyed the laziness of the day. It involved a little grocery shopping, having tea with a co-worker, putting groceries away, meeting Mike for lunch, taking a nap, drawing a picture and making dinner.

David, a former co-worker (I don't work with anymore) asked me to draw a picture for him. I think it turned out well. Here it is:

Pen and ink rendering on watercolor paper. He had a photograph I worked with. Hmm I think I'm getting better at rocks, but then again I'm saturated in them here. Looking forward to a large challenge; getting a 16 X 20 sketch book and do some of the Grand Canyon itself. I've got lots of pictures to go by, so it's a start. Who knows, maybe next year I'll graduate to colors...

bisphenol A

http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?id=plastic-not-fantastic-with-bisphenol-a

http://www.jsonline.com/story/index.aspx?id=692145

Two very interesting articles. The second one was featured on Bill Moyer's last night. It captured my attention when they talked about how they investigated the piece, then the conclusions from a very attentive investigation. It was lengthy, but very very informative. The major concern of the byproduct is the cancer; however I thought it pointed directly to several other MAJOR concerns that plague us tremendously. Diabetes, obesity, and hyper activeness. These concern me more as they are constantly being utilized for advertising, different drugs, and a large first step in the nations health problems.

Heading off this issue could make a huge difference in the continually growing costs of medicine in many various forms. Not to mention the side effects those conciously and unconciously affect.

One other thing concerned me was when the Safe Drinking Water Act was signed by Bill Clinton in 1996 the EPA was required to test chemicals. The article featured on Bill Moyer exposed they have not started their testing until 2007. So what did 80 million dollars pay for?

Friday......

Though it's been a good week, the brain isn't boiling over half as much and I can see my progress at work. After almost 60 check in's over 2 days (the rest of the week is catching up the paperwork!), I'm glad it's Friday. Memorial day, the doorway to summer (???). It's in the 40's outside, spitting and drooling hail. Funny back East the hail is a sure indicator of a tornado near, but not here, no, we have lightening and thunder during a snowstorm; the wind whips in circles going around and through every crevice and corner (when it's up). Luckily it's not.

Mike made a wonderful steak dinner, better then I used to make on my indoor grill; he uses the broiler. Music is playing on the computer , the beer is cold and all is quiet in our little village, at least here. I'm sure the front desks are having a doozy of a time as there are no room at the inns; glad I'm not there. Right this minute is peace.

May everyone find their moments of peace and hear their soul breath "ahhhh".

After the facts...

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/exbush-adviser-rove-must-testify-in-case-that-could-shame-white-house-832859.html

Hind sight is 20/20 as Rove is brought before a committee regarding the prosecution of Dan Siegleman and the ousting of 9 US attorney's in 2006. So does this mean in 2010 we'll finally investigate the trillions of dollars being miss spent by the contractors in Iraq? Not to mention the vast waste of taxpayers monies by our government today. While we're on the year 2006, lets investigate a little bit further into Hurrican Katrina. Not just Mr. Brown, but the lack of preparedness when it was known to be headed into Louisiana. Why wasn't emergency efforts put on alert and ready to go in as it hit? How much was it down played beforehand at the highest level?

Unfortunately we cannot turn back the hands on the clock to 'do over'. What we can do is look a lot closer at what is going on now, question the reasoning and/or justifications and decide is it really worth it?

Flutterings

Memories of Mada have been fluttering in and out of my mind over the past several days; touching me now and again with the profound loss, in moments. Is the squeeze a hug on my heart by her?

Today on my break I saw a huge yellow and black Western Tiger Swallowtail and a thought entered my mind as quickly as it was fluttering by. "That is what she would choose" the words echoed with laughter, hers, because she loved yellow, and butterflies. As my heart squeezed in her hug, I smiled.

Idealism

What a dream. As I look at the news report of China, and Myammar my heart goes out to the many people struggling with the trauma of surviving or worse, surviving alone. A friend told me about her sister's ordeal when Katrina hit Lousiana. We the public didn't see half the problems of course; remember the large number of survivors standing on the bridge? The news crew had them move to a different section so they wouldn't get the pile of bodies in the picture. Sad.

With what is actually shown in the news, it makes me wonder how worse it actually is. There are many kind hearted people wanting to help, but the bureaucracy causes hesitance when it is known those in need will only see a smithering of what is actually sent.

It is an idealistic thought that the military with all it's strategic ways could learn to use their knowledge to help; not just in the cleaning up but the people aspect rather then forcing a way of life onto another. Yes I know it goes both ways; there is no easy answer but the first step is putting down the gun and use both hands to reach out, teach and learn.

Another lesson

A friend once told me that when we pray for patience, we are literally asking for the lesson. Boy did that ring a bell within.

Yesterday morning I came accross another quotation that struck yet another cord:

We've all heard that we have to learn from our mistakes, but I think it's more important to learn from successes. If you learn only from your mistakes, you are inclined to learn only errors."
Norman Vincent Peale

Time and time again I have taken those mistakes to heart to learn from them, only to achieve the same, usually in a different or more heartbreaking way. There have been times I have taken the success and learned from it as well, though it's not easy to do. This is becoming another step in the process of growing.

Put the FREAKING snowglobe down!!

Said in the best 'go to your room voice'. Didn't help. We woke up to more of the white stuff, hard to believe after taking a short hike on Saturday and getting some sun. I bet Susan is glad she's not here! Boy do I feel for the kids in the cabins.

Mantra; 'wait for the weekend when it's supposed to be near 80'

lepidopterology

It's the scientific study of butterflies and moths; well not quite, I'm only at the amateur stage; identifying. Taking pictures helps to answer that first field question: What kind is that? It's a childlike wonder as I watch a butterfly fluttering or be very quiet as I sneak up to watch it. Some have seen the yellow butterfly pictured in Oak Canyon, and few have seen the white butterfly pictured here in the Grand Canyon at Shoshone Point.

Here's what I learned:








This is a Western Tiger Swallowtail. Not much else, but the name, and that right now is all I wanted to know. This one was taken at Oak Creek Canyon, we stopped there on our way home from Phoenix



This is a Pontia sisymbrii; aka, Spring White. Pretty is what I call it.





Now to identify the catepillar and different looking bee I saw....

Vortex

I was talking with Brenda yesterday; she told me about several vortex's in the area where they either absorb energies or give energies.

I've heard they're good places to give your problems to, I've done it myself. What energies we give produces consequences, even if we give them to Earth. Earth is a living breathing ancient entity as we are, it communicates differently, is that why we dismiss it? That's for another time. But the energies have to go full circle, when releasing them it's absorbed and produces another type of reaction.

Seasons and cycles are for renewing, re-energizing, rebirth. There are many types of seasons despite the immediate ones presented weather type, the ice ages themselves are a season of their own. As we do, aging, going through experiences, etc.

A sudden thought occured as we were in the middle of that conversation; what if we - one or more - gave positive affirmations of peace and harmony? What kind of outcome could that create?

Yeah, I'm sounding more and more like a 'hippy', but I've learned to follow my instincts as we are all connected. We are made from the dust of Earth, stars, the universe, and will go back to being dust of the Earth. 'From dust to dust' has distinct meaning, in between the dust particles I will create the beauty I can.

A taste...

Mike and I took a Sunday drive. On the way to Cameron we stopped at Shoshone Point. It's where they hold weddings here in the canyon. After parking we walked up a road, pretty rocky, a mile there and a mile back. It was a nice walk through the forest, peace filled and quiet. Getting up to the point we saw pretty little flowers, and took pictures. After that we stopped at one of the roadside stands; there's quite a few with native jewelry, and hiked another half mile out to a point taking more pictures of more flowers. Cameron is on the way to the painted desert; it's beautiful yet so very desolate. It's an oasis with trees (we watched a humming bird working a honeysuckle vine), a good restaurant, a huge store with lots of exquisite artwork, and not as good but pretty stuff. There's even antiquities from the late 1800's there; and yes they are for sale. The building is made of the rocks from the landscape, fossils, of course, are everywhere, the mortar is made with the pink sand of the desert. Beautiful.

I've never had much interest in the desert, when they showed the nature movies in school I would often wonder why people sought it out. Still do sometimes, especially when driving by old trailers and such. However passing several hogans (native homes build in a traditional way), brought the connection of the land and people home. Modernized with wood rather then, stone, dirt and branches, it gave it's story of respect to a way of life almost wiped out by territorialist that started way back in the 1600's. The air is different, cooler for the most part, dryer and more arid. The rocks, plants, animals evolved to suit the environment creating distinctive coloring, shapes and energies.

Looking out the window watching the changes in the landscape I thought to myself of all the places I've planted, I go into the desert to bloom.

Looking back

Looking back in my blog I remember with clarity how the humidity felt as I sat on my balcony listening to the cicadas, swating mosquitos, eating dinner and drinking wine. It was around this time I had accepted the offer to live, work, play and breathe in the Grand Canyon. I remember the scary excitement of myself being drawn into a new and different environment and sensed the magical opportunity it would behold; daring to keep my imagination at bay so as I wouldn't set up expectations.

I look back at all the wonder, the audacity of it, and wrap myself in the giggle of finding adventure. In that adventure I find more truth as I look inside at the changes wrought from stepping away in faith and finding so much more then I ever expected about myself and the interactions with others. I've realized the differences I've experienced have changed me that my attitude and actions have reflected over time affected my unique environment. Opening up to let someone share life with adds more to the terrain of changes in my landscape creating more.

Synopsis of the week

The first full week in human resources is done. It's a great team of people, full of fun, laughter and support as we help each other to get things done. It's a great way to meet new people, I love seeing the various faces that come in and remember how excited I was to get here. It's also nice to see the faces of those I work with, whom I've known and continue with a friendship. Sharing with Mike the antics of my co-workers and some of the funny stuff said is a nice change from eating elephants. Every Friday is a theme day, this week was stuffed animal day. I was loaned one, because my moose is in storage, but we all shuffled outside to get a picture. Housing was in on it too. It turned out really good, everyone was smiling, and no eyes were closed.

Working in HR also gives me a chance to learn about different cultures. We have a Tai girl in the office until the end of next month. I've learned their names have different meanings, hers means 'Golden Flower'. She explained to me how as little children they have to learn the many languages of their own language and some of the words are Sanscrit which she said is very difficult. It's also very ancient.

It is nice to be in an outgoing, supportive fun atmosphere. Sure it's a step down, and I lose some perks, but one needs to be happy in their job. I've also found we tend to spend what we earn, no matter how much we make, it is the value in the choices. I am blessed to have someone to share this with who supports me with understanding and love.

Happy May

Mayday, the doorway to summer. More flowers shoot through the earth, as does grass and other beautious things. The trees look a bit greener as though they grew leaves over night as we anticipate the new season with a sanguine disposition creating an unconstrained atmosphere.

Though we still go to our day with the daily routines; work, errands, cleaning, etc. Taking a moment to lift our faces to the subtle breeze, soak in the warmth of the sun, or admire the spectrum of colors in a flower giving tribute to Earth and the wonders given as gifts. Take that special kiss from a loved one, feel it trickle into a special pocket in the heart; where it blooms.

Enjoy this first day of May, when your breath is caught by the beauty of a moment; feel the connection with all.